Addicted to You
by ulvgrl79
Summary: When Edward leaves, Bella decides to write her innermost thoughts in a journal. When Bella's journal is found,can she convince everyone that she is not "crazy"? Will friendship with Jacob survive? Who will save Bella when the Volturi find out?
1. Chapter 1

(1) Journal

The conversation had been floating in my mind all day today at school.

"_Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"_

"_I am not moping around." _

"_Wrong word." Charlie said. "Moping would be better-that would be doing something. You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want." _

_Lifeless? _

"_I'm sorry, Dad." The statement was so lame. I cringed when I think of the words I chose. _

"_I don't want you to apologize." Charlie said._

_Then what do you want? How can I make you happy?_

"_Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."_

_Please, Dad! I don't want to talk about this anymore!_

"_I know that." I grimaced. _

"Listen honey. I think that- that maybe you need some help." Charlie's face turned tortured.

_______________

Help. Help. Help. I turned the word in my head all morning. How could I ask for help? Even I didn't believe in the things I had seen.

I put my pen in my mouth and chewed the cap. School ended. The days passed in a blur. I was grateful when I was occupied with homework. My mind was occupied. I didn't have to think about _him_. I heard the last bell ring. I am alone.

I walked down the hallway and saw Jessica talking to Mike. Mike waved and I automatically gave him a short wave. I clutched my books to my chest. I looked down at the floor so I wouldn't make eye contact with anyone. The routine I had developed in the past few months. It worked for me.

I made it to the parking lot and I searched for my truck. Then the reminder entered. Charlie took the truck to get serviced. A nice walk home instead. Great! At least I could make it into a long walk. It would delay my afternoon. I am pathetic. I feel pathetic. I turned down the road and began my long way home. I passed a few stores but didn't have the energy to go inside. I window-shopped and paused in a used furniture store. I saw old dolls with black button eyes staring at me. I blinked and stumbled back.

I looked again at the dead eyes of the doll. I'll try across the street. I looked for on-coming cars and crossed the small road. I stopped in front of Mrs. Krandle's arts and crafts. I looked at her window display. She had charcoal pencils next to a draft board. I decided to go inside and take a peek at her selection of crafts. I passed a collection of drafting paper. I saw a small book section. I bent down and noticed a dark blue book lying beside the paper. I picked it up and ran my fingers over the cover. It was a velvety blue soft covering. I kept my fingers on the smooth surface.

I put the book on the shelf and walked around the store. Mrs. Krandle waved hi to me from her position on the counter. I half-heartedly waved at her and continued to look around. I made a circle and wound up at the blue book again. I picked it up and opened the front cover. I flipped through the empty pages. I was exceptionally drawn to this journal. I sighed and checked my wallet. I had ten dollars with me. I forgot my check- book at home, again.

I walked to the counter in a hurry. I clutched the blue journal in my hand. I put the journal in front of Mrs. Krandle.

"Hello, dear…how is everything?" Mrs. Krandle smiled at me pushing her glasses further up her nose.

"Good." I muttered. "I was wondering how much this journal is?" I asked and Mrs. Krandle picked up the journal. She turned it over and then put it face-up on the counter.

"Hmm, there's no sticker on it. I'd say I could sell it to you for five dollars." Mrs. Krandle smiled at me and punched some numbers in her register.

"Are you sure?" I looked doubtfully at her. "I think it's worth more than that!"

"Honey, I think it's an appropriate price for a journal. Is that okay with you?"

I stammered. "Yes… thank you." I reached into my wallet and pulled out the ten-dollar bill. Mrs. Krandle took the money and gave me change.

She put the journal in a brown bag with pink handles. "Here you go, Bella. Say hello to Charlie for me."

"Sure, I will. Thanks." I grabbed the bag and gave her a bigger smile as I left. I swung open the door of the shop and left.

….

I opened the refrigerator at Charlie's and took out leftovers. I warmed a plate of food in the microwave and brought my backpack to the table. I did my homework while my dinner cooked. The microwave beeped and the front door opened.

Charlie's home.

I grabbed another plate and filled it with food. I took the first plate out and set it on the table. I grabbed some silverware and glasses. Charlie walked into the kitchen and hung his jacket.

"Smells good. Is that our dinner from last night?" Charlie went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of Pepsi.

"Yeah, I stopped by Mrs. Krandle's and she says hi." I reiterated the greeting. I grabbed the other plate of food and put it on top of my backpack.

"You went shopping." Charlie said confused and shoveled some food in his mouth.

"Yeah, since you have my car. I decided to go into town." I said quietly and chewed.

"Oh, that's right. Your truck is as good as new. It needed a new fuel pump." Charlie declared and drained his glass.

"Was it expensive?" I asked cautiously.

"Nah, Buck owes me a favor." Buck was the proprietor of the only transmission shop in Forks. He charged lots of money for simple jobs.

"That's good." I stated and got seconds for him.

"What'd you get?" Charlie wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"What?" I asked confused and put his plate in the microwave. I punched a couple of minutes into the microwave and turned to him.

"At Krandle's. What did you get?" Charlie looked at me as I sat down. "Some art supplies?"

"No, I found this journal. It was pretty cheap. I think Mrs. Krandle was being nice and giving me a deal." I took the bag out of my backpack and showed Charlie the blue journal.

"It's nice." Charlie said off-handedly. I put the food in front of him and we ate in silence.

….

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed staring at my purple binder. I drew little vortexes on the front cover. My computer beeped and I moved the mouse a little. The little mailbox was blinking on my Internet page. I clicked the icon and waited. Renee's email popped up. I pushed the exit box. I wasn't ready to talk to my Mom. Maybe soon.

I took out the brown bag with the delicate pink handles. I reached in and took out the soft journal. I touched the satiny cover and grabbed my pen that I chewed on earlier in class.

I opened the journal to the very back page. I wrote. This Belongs To: Bella Swan

I opened the very front page and chewed on my pen again. Did I really want to write my very innermost thoughts? What if someone found this? I was trying not to be overly-cautious. I chewed my pen cap.

He's gone! That's all I dared to write. I closed the journal and tossed it into my dresser drawer. I buried my face into my pillow and sobbed.


	2. Chapter 2

(2) Secrets

I woke up in the morning with a horrible headache. My head throbbed with a dull ache behind my eyes. I turned my neck and stared at the alarm clock. It felt like the middle of the night. I was restless and stretched my legs. I moved the covers back and swung my feet out of bed. My duvet fell on the floor I was too lazy to put it back on my bed.

I brushed my teeth quickly and grabbed a couple of aspirins from the cabinet. I filled the plastic cup I kept on the sink with water and swallowed them. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes had dark circles and my skin was pallid. I stretched the skin under my eyes but it made my eyes look worse. I looked like a girl who had a hard life.

I dragged my feet back to my room and decided to delay picking out clothes. I took my bathroom accessories with me and took an elongated shower. I adjusted the spray and stood under the blasting heat. I stretched my arms and washed my hair. My head was feeling slightly better.

I went back into my room and cuddled in my plush bathrobe. I sat on the chair next to my desk and curled my legs under me. I stared at my journal sitting on the table. Tapping my fingers on the desk, I tried to clear my head. Wouldn't it be great to tell my innermost fears to someone who wouldn't judge me? Could I? What's the worst that could happen? A cold breeze filtered through the hole in my window.

I would have to remind Charlie to fix that.

I picked up my journal and flipped to the next page. I carefully wrote the date and collected my thoughts.

October 12, 2007

Secrets are dangerous. Wait, some secrets are dangerous. There are certain things you cannot tell anyone. You hide them until they become a part of you. He left. Edward (wince) left. He said it was for my protection. Hah! Not when he can distract himself so easily why, would he stay? How could I have a hold on a perfect person?

Hmm, if he knew how hard it was for me, would he still go? I have nightmares all the time. I even know the part in my dream when the nightmare is coming. I wait for it. Alice looks into the future and I can read dreams, what are the odds? I miss Alice!

Oops time for school.

I closed my journal and went to the closet. I stared at my outfits. Jeans again. I sighed.

Charlie was downstairs eating breakfast. I was carrying my journal in my hands.

"You really like that thing, don't ya?" Charlie shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

I gave him a quick look. "Yea. I do." I shoved the journal into my backpack. I got a bowl and filled it with cereal.

"I'll probably be late tonight for dinner tonight." Charlie finished his last bite and folded the newspaper. I looked at the paint chipping on the bright yellow cabinets. Maybe I could stop by the store and buy some paint. That was another project that would keep me busy.

"How come?" I said glumly. I didn't have the strength to fake interest and felt guilty for Charlie. I must suck to have as a daughter.

"New trainee, today. I have to stay and show him the ropes. The other guy has a family commitment." Charlie walked to the sink and rinsed his bowl.

"I'll wash it. Dad, I might go to the hardware store after school." I walked to the sink and ran the water waiting for it to turn warm. Charlie put his sheriff jacket on and attached his holster.

"What for?" Charlie turned to me. His tone was placating.

"I'm thinking about painting the cabinets. I mean the same color of course." I said hastily when I saw the confusion in his eyes.

"Well, okay. Gosh!" He walked over to inspect the decaying paint. "I should have done this a long time ago. Time flies by." Charlie rubbed his thumb on the pane and he shrugged.

"Have a good day at work." I mustered up a smile and felt the pull at the corner of my mouth.

"Will do! Thanks again!" Charlie indicated to his dish and walked out the door. I leaned against the countertop and tried to muster enough strength to make it through another day. I felt my shoulders sink as soon as he left. I didn't have enough energy to care about bad posture. One day I'll pay for this.

I was leaning against my truck's cab in the parking lot at school. A few students passed by and one gave me a sympathetic smile. I kept my eyes down for the most part. The horrible thing is that I don't want their pity. I never did. I checked my watch.

I still had some time before I went to English. I brought the journal out of my backpack and opened the page where I left off.

Is it wrong to hate when people give me sympathy smiles? I really do hate it! I feel like the girl with one arm. I don't need other people to feel sorry for me. I just want to be invisible. I wish that were possible. Mike's got the wrong impression of me. Can you believe he still flirts with me? It makes me so angry. In front of Jessica is just too much! I want to yell at him and scream but instead I keep it bottled up inside. If he knew…

Late again. I shut the journal and trudged through the squishy grass heading towards English. Angela sidled up next to me and gave me a compassionate smile. We walked in silence. Angela knew that's what I preferred. I tried to smile back but the effort didn't reach my face. I was freezing! The weather was definitely changing. I slumped in my seat bringing the hood of my jacket around me. I hid like a turtle from the boisterous conversation surrounding me.

I opened the journal and stared at the page. Everyone was talking about the chance of snow. Great! Another impending accident waiting to happen. I doodled on the journal page. The girl who sits next to me turned to talk to Ben.

I begin writing.

Waiting again! Why do teachers make us wait for them all the time?? Then they have a panic attack if were late for class. Get a grip! I had a dream about the meadow last night. Edward shall be called, "Him." So "him", was walking towards me. It felt so real. The craziest part is that I believe it's happening. I have issues. I scared the beegezzus out of Charlie. He heard me screaming and burst through the door. He had a foam bat and was wearing his boxers. Yikes! I have a huge hole in my chest. Nothing will help me now. "Him" is a vampire. There I said it. I could never speak the words aloud. That was the tradeoff. The teacher just walked in.

I took the hood off my head. I slumped in my seat and waited for class to begin. Someone tapped me on the shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

(3) Cut

Ugh, if I don't turn around maybe the person will get tired of jabbing their bony finger right on my shoulder. Poke. Please leave me alone. Poke. For the love of English, will you stop! Poke.

The poking stopped and I breathed evenly. Then I heard my name being whispered. I thought my body language made it clear I didn't want to communicate with anyone. It's not that I'm being a witch, I just don't want to answer all the inevitable questions. I could not deal with anything right now. Poke.

I looked at the clock. I still had twenty minutes left in class. I did not want to be poked for the whole time. As it is, I probably have a nice finger sized bruise on my shoulder. Poke. I turn around to give the death stare.

Jessica looked apoplectic and shoved the papers at me. I look down and muttered sorry. I take the papers and pass them ahead. How lame am I? Jessica hasn't wanted to talk to me in three months. Why did I think today would be any different? I happened to glance down at the paper. Test? Seriously? I forgot we were having a test today. I raise my panicked eyes and saw the teacher staring at me.

I gulp and reach for my pencil. Concentrate. I put my head down and stare at the first question. Nothing. I have nothing to say. I quickly write some lame answer already knowing that I have failed the test. I can hear Jessica clearing her throat behind me and I'm chewing my lip to keep from screaming at her to shut up. I finish the abrupt test and turn it over. The bell rings.

I take my test up to the desk and avoid the teacher's inquisitive eyes. I don't want to explain myself, not now. I am a prepared student. I don't do things like this. I study for tests and generally get great grades. I shuffle behind the other students as they chatter about some of the questions. Jessica and Mike walk ahead of me. Mike notices me lagging behind.

"Hey, Bella, did you think question three was confusing?" Mike turns away from Jessica and smiles at me. I should feel grateful that he is including me in the conversation but I can feel Jessica's scowl. I nod my head and duck in the girl's bathroom.

I go into the first stall and lock the door. I drop my backpack on the floor and it makes a soft thud. I put the toilet seat down and sit heavily. My hands prop up my chin and I concentrate on breathing. The hole in my chest aches throbbing my whole body. I deal with it because I have no other choice.

The toilet flushes. I wait for the girl to finish up. She takes too long at the mirror adjusting her hair. The door opens and another girl walks in. Jessica. They smile at one another. The girl at the mirror is vaguely familiar. I think her name is Sarah.

"Did you see Bella Swan today?" Sarah asks Jessica. Jessica is applying lip balm to her puckered lips. She nods and continues layering her mouth.

Jessica closes the tube and fluffs her hair. "Yeah, I just had English with her." Jessica starts running her fingers through her hair.

"Is she still a zombie?" Sarah mocks and smoothes out her eyebrows.

"She's definitely overreacting about the whole thing. Edward left, what? Like, three or four months ago." Jessica struggles with an errant hair.

"I would die if a perfect guy like that, totally, r**ejected** me." Sarah sympathized. She closed her bag and shrugged it on her shoulder.

I could feel the hole engorging in my chest.

"She really needs to get a grip. He's gone now probably dating some _**hot girl**_ in his new school. Crap, I'm going to be late." Jessica looks at her watch and they both walk out of the bathroom.

I waited a minute to make sure they were gone. I stumbled out of the stall and leaned my back against the wall. I felt like I couldn't breath. The room was getting fuzzy. I shrank down to the ground and closed my eyes. I do need to get a grip. Everyone around could see that I was losing it. I took out my journal and started writing.

Why does it hurt so much? This loneliness is making me crazy. Of course, I live with Charlie but he's never home. I am truly alone. "Him" had his distractions and I have snobby girls who think they know me. Why did I ever have to discover he was a vampire? My life would be so much simpler if I never knew. Now, I am putting everyone I know in danger. I can never tell. Maybe it's better that the Cullen's left after all I could blow their cover at any time. I want him here so bad. I would give my life to have him with me.

The door opened startling me. My pen made an ugly mark on the paper. Two girls walked in and one stared appalled at me on the floor. I shoved my journal in my backpack and left.

I got home from school and washed the dishes in the sink. There were a couple of plates that had crusty food stuck to them. I took my time scraping the food and filling the sink with soapy water. I occasionally glanced out the window and saw the deep woods fill my backyard. Hmm, I haven't walked the trail in a while. I needed to get out of this house! I'm going stir-crazy. Excited about my new plan I quickly finished the dishes and turned off the water.

I walked to the hooks and put my jacket on. The weather looked colder than this afternoon so I grabbed my mittens. Satisfied that I was as warm as I could get I pocketed my key and went outside.

The grass had turned a dull brown from the dropping temperatures. Maybe I should water the grass but decided against it. I didn't want the water to freeze the blades. I walked to the trail hidden by the overgrown brush. Charlie didn't have time to do any landscaping so our backyard blended pretty well with the encroaching woods. I walked the trail for a couple of minutes and found a baby nest in a small oak tree.

I smiled in delight and went to the nest. I saw four eggs inside cuddled in the twigs. I saw the delicate built of the brown branches perfectly intertwined with one another. Suddenly, I heard a loud squawking noise and looked up just in time to see the mama bird come back to her babies. The deafening noise scared me and I jumped back. I fell backward and my back hit a jagged rock. Owww! I felt the instant pain in my lower back. So much for the adventure.

I stood up slowly and the pain inflamed my whole back. I limped back to the yard. I took tiny steps until I reached the back door. I opened the door slowly and went inside. I felt something sticky on my shirt. I reached back and withdrew blood. Great.

I walked to the mirror in my room and lifted up my shirt. I had a huge gash in my back. Gah! I grabbed a towel and put pressure on my back. I couldn't drive with my back all messed up like this. I walked down to the kitchen and picked up the phone.

The only person I could think of to call was Charlie. I dialed the sheriff station. The receptionist answered and I asked for Charlie.

A second later and Charlie picked up. "Bells?"

"Hi, Dad, I'm sorry to call you at work but I have a cut on my back and it's bleeding a lot." I said and winced when I moved the towel away from the cut. I folded the towel and reapplied the pressure.

"Geez, what happened?" Charlie asked.

"I was walking in the woods on the trail and I tripped. I landed on a rock." I explained. I left out the baby birds.

"Honey, I have to go to Tacoma in a minute. We have a important interview with a suspect." Charlie paused. "I'll call Billy Black. I bet Jake can give you a ride to the hospital." I heard Charlie shuffling something on his desk.

"Okay, hurry Dad, please." I said painfully. My back felt like mini razors were slashing my skin.

"Here we go. Let me give him a call. Hang tight. I'll call you back." Charlie hung up.

I tapped my foot anxiously waiting for the phone to ring again. My back was aching so dreadfully that I didn't care if I had to drag myself to the hospital. I didn't want to drive but if I had to I would.

The phone rang.

I picked it up promptly.

"Bells, he's coming. Give him about ten minutes." Charlie announced.

"Okay, thanks." I breathed heavily into the phone I think I opened the gash even more if that's possible.

"Keep me updated." Charlie said rapidly.

"I will." I promised and I hung up the phone. I went to the cabinet and got another towel. I carefully peeled the blood soaked towel off my back. I held my breath. Resist the urge to smell the blood I told myself.

I grabbed the dark blue towel off the counter top. I put the towel against my back and threw the other towel in the trashcan. It was no good. The blood spattered stains had turned the once white towel an ugly maroon striped mess.

I saw a pair of headlights pulling into the driveway. Jacob. I went to get my backpack from the couch and put it next to me. I was crouching down like an old woman. I didn't care. If I stood straight up my back felt like it was on fire. I heard the car door slam and hurried footsteps came up to my front door. I didn't feel good. My head was getting woozy. I saw an outline of Jacob before my eyes blacked out and knees buckled.


	4. Chapter 4

(4) Discovery

My head throbbed. I felt a slight banging on my forehead. I was disoriented. I forced my eyes to open and stared out the windshield into the dark sky. Okay, that explained the forehead throbbing. I looked at the unfamiliar car and adjusted my vision. The cab was dark and I knew I wasn't in my _truck_. I looked over and saw Jacob Black driving steadily. He was looking at the road in concentration his eyebrows furrowed.

I moved my head into a more comfortable position. Jacob turned to look at me his eyes filled with worry. He still kept both his hands on the steering wheel but his eyes were staring at me. I looked at him and saw his black glossy hair pulled into a low ponytail. I envied his hair. It was had the kind of texture that you couldn't achieve from over-the-counter products. This was au natural.

"How do ya feel?" Jacob held my gaze while keeping his truck in line with the road.

I snickered and felt like a fool because I was pretty much remembering fainting in front of him. "Fine. Sorry I fainted in front of you. I saw all the blood and got light headed. Was I difficult to take to the car?" I asked nervously. I didn't want to know the truth but in some sick masochistic way I did.

Jacob gave me a weird look. "Nah, you were light as a feather. Besides you kind of gracefully sank to your knees. I caught you before your face hit the ground."

I snorted. That's perfect. "Are we almost there?" It seems crazy but I didn't feel the pain in my back anymore. Or I was paralyzed? I started panicking. If I was paralyzed I couldn't move my legs. Hopefully, it was the position I was sitting in.

"Sure. I took the highway. It's faster. How did you get that cut on your back?" Jacob took one hand off the steering wheel and put it behind my seat.

"Umm. I was in the woods on the trail. I wasn't looking where I was going and fell against a rock." I had the story rehearsed in my head. I didn't want to include the bird's nest because I felt it was too silly to mention. Plus, I didn't want everyone to laugh at me.

Jacob stood quiet for a minute. "That's it! I expected something a little more dangerous. Like, you were standing on a cliff and a branch reamed you in the back. Or you were hiking and a bear took a stab at you." He was really getting into his imagination machine.

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry to disappoint you. I was just a little clumsy." I shrugged.

"That's okay. When we get to the hospital you can tell the doctor one of my stories. I'm sure it will brighten their day." Jacob smiled again and tapped the steering wheel. I watched him easily navigate the truck through the tiny town of La Push. I saw the small houses and store fronts that were empty. People were probably eating dinner or getting ready for bed.

"I hope I'm not keeping you from anything like homework or something." I murmured.

Jacob laughed and he shook his head. "No way! I was listening to my Dad complain about the music I was listening to. I had to hear about the music in his day. He was going on a spree right before Charlie called. That was a godsend. I owe your Dad one!" Jacob gleefully exclaimed and pulled into the hospital parking lot.

"What were you listening to?" I asked curiously and Jacob parked the truck in the sparsely filled parking lot.

"Just some music my friend Embry gave me. It's a compilation CD that had some bands on it. I think there was Green Day and Lincoln Park." Jacob opened the door and hopped out of the cab. He walked to my side to help me out of the truck.

"Those are good bands." I commented as he held my door open for me. I saw him smile and his eyes crinkled in shared admiration.

"I know. Billy doesn't believe in rock and roll unless Elvis or some other fifties singer is involved." Jacob smirked and I saw the humor dancing in his eyes.

"You might need to help me." I suggested and went forward a little to get in a better position. I gasped in pain and clutched my back. I stopped moving and waited for the pain to subside. I had an agonizing minute where I felt like throwing up. Jacob noticed my pain.

"Do you want me to go inside and get a wheelchair?" He asked apprehensively.

"NO." I yelled and bit my lip. "Sorry, I just don't want to make a big deal out of this. I need to get out slowly that's all." I reached for Jacob's extended hand and he helped me out of the truck. I stepped onto the gravel parking lot and took baby steps. Jacob hovered over me and kept even pace with me.

We both walked through the electronic doors. Jacob went to the front desk and I perched near the doorway shivering in the cold waiting room. Jacob was talking to the nurse and she nodded. She was wearing dull pink scrubs with cows printed all over. I would have laughed if I wasn't afraid of triggering the immense pain in my back.

The nurse walked over to me with Jacob her face was composed. "Bella, honey, your Dad called and let us know that you were coming." Jacob nodded encouragingly. "Do you need help into the emergency room?" She was speaking slowly. Yet, I still needed a moment to comprehend what she was saying.

I nodded my head and blinked unsure of what to do. I was just glad to be in the hospital. A place filled with wonderful medicine that would eliminate my horrendous pain. I think I was a little out of it already. The nurse set off to find a wheelchair and I wobbled a little bit.

Jacob reached out ready to grab me if I fell again. I tried to focus on his face but I was having a hard time. I wobbled again and put my hand against the wall to steady myself. Jacob looked at me then at the hallway that the nurse disappeared in. He kept looking back and forth. I giggled at his movement. My ears started ringing and my vision turned blurry.

Jacob picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder. It was instantaneous. He held me without touching my back and my head was leaning over his shoulder. Jacob started walking down the hallway. I saw the waiting room grow smaller and smaller as we headed toward the nurse.

"Oh my!" The nurse exclaimed when she saw Jacob carrying me barbarian style.

"She's really weak." Jacob reasoned and the nurse guided him to an empty bed. He set me down on my back and the pain started to stab me like a thousand knives. I clamped my mouth shut and waited for it to subside.

"Let's make you feel better." The nurse suggested to me and brought out some needles. I instantly turned the other way. I didn't like to watch the needle go into my arm. Jacob stared in awe at the process with a glint in his eyes. I guess needles don't bother him.

Whatever she gave me instantly made the pain disappear. I nodded gratefully at her and her wondrous medicine. She patted my arm and checked my vitals.

Jacob crouched near the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. He had a peaceful expression on his face as he stared at me. The nurse explained to me that the doctor would be in to check on me then left the room. Jacob moved closer once she was gone.

"Needles make you queasy?" Jacob chuckled and sat in the extra chair in the room. He scooted it closer to my bed.

"Only the big ones." I quipped and he laughed again.

"Right." He sarcastically nodded with me and laughed. I looked at him and giggled. I haven't felt like laughing for a long time but it felt good. "I'm going to call Charlie and let him know we're here." Jacob got up and went outside to the pay phone.

I looked at the doorway and pondered my newfound revelation. I liked talking to Jacob he seemed like a very mellow person. He wasn't someone I needed to impress or lie to. He was there and he enjoyed himself. I knew that he was younger than me but somehow he seemed older too. When I found myself giggling along with him it shocked me to realize I wasn't sulking. Jacob walked back into the room filling it with his exuberance and easy-going attitude.

"I told Charlie we were waiting for the doctor. He's coming as soon as he's finished." Jacob retrieved his spot next to my bed.

"He worries about me too much." I said slowly even though I was happy that Charlie cared about me immensely.

"Well, if today was an everyday occurrence then I would worry too." Jacob joked and put his hands behind his head. I noticed his biceps when he moved his arms. They were defined in his long sleeve shirt. I felt like an idiot for staring at his arms.

"I don't end up in the hospital _everyday_. Maybe just once or twice a week." I joked and Jacob laughed along with me. He raised his eyebrows and smiled again.

"You know I had no idea you were like this. I mean that in a good way. When we were at the beach you seemed different somehow. I think it was this intensity that you had. You are not the same." Jacob complimented. The smile froze on my face. I remember that day when I wanted to know about the Cullen's and Jacob told me the story. Of course, I was different because I was discovering a horrible secret about them. Jacob looked down at his hands.

"Your right. I'm not the same." I agreed with Jacob and threw in a soft smile for emphasis. "I enjoy spending time with you." I reasoned. Jacob had a bigger smile on his face if it were possible.

"Thanks." Jacob added. I laughed along with him and Charlie came into the room. He saw me and Jacob laughing at our shared joke. He did a double take and went to my bedside.

"How you feeling?" Charlie leaned closer to me and felt my forehead.

"Good." I replied.

"Yeah, the nurse doped her up." Jacob snorted and I nodded my head in agreement. Charlie shook his head at both of us.

"Has the doctor been in yet?" Charlie asked turning his head to the doorway.

"Nah." Jacob replied looking at me in agreement. As if magically the doctor would walk in when we mentioned the word, doctor.

"I'm going to see what's taking so long." Charlie got up and walked into the hallway. He still had his uniform on and he wasn't too patient nowadays.

"He seems antsy." Jacob theorized toward Charlie's behavior. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at Jacob.

"Sometimes. He just worries too much." I suggested and took a drink of water. I guess I wasn't going to school tomorrow since I'd probably have to stay in the hospital overnight for observation. Great, another day at home with nothing to do, the boredom was already overwhelming me. I looked at Jacob again and suddenly wanted to know more about him. Everything about him. Well why not?

"Hey, since I'm probably not going to school tomorrow. Do you want to come visit me? I can't promise you'd have a good time but it would cheer me up." I see Jacob's smile grow wider. He leans closer to my bed.

"I'm up for that. I could even bring your homework for you." He saw the look on my face. "Well, maybe I could just come over." He rolled his eyes at my horrified facial expression.

"Yeah, we could think of something to do." I offer and Charlie comes in with the doctor walking behind him. I feel better and not because of the drugs. I feel like the hole in my chest is lessoning now that I don't have an empty void tomorrow. Was it was wrong to use Jacob Black? But I did really enjoy his company. I knew if given a chance we could be friends. Why not crazier things have happened? I should know all about that.


	5. Chapter 5

(5) Mocking

The pillow muffled my screams this morning. I held the pillow tightly and waited for my body to stop shaking. Tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. They felt cold leaving wet trails down my face. I shook my head and tossed the pillow on the floor. I reached up and wiped the tears. I looked at the clock and saw I had woken up five minutes before my alarm was suppose to go off.

Was that a bad omen? I hope not. I waited for my mind to settle the images that were too realistic, the sense of dread in my nightmare lingered. I heard Charlie in his room rattling the closet door. I pulled my feet out of the covers and sat up. Stretching and reaching for my robe seemed like a difficult task.

The robe was on the chair by my desk and I strained my back while I hooked it with my thumb. I tossed it on the bed and stood. I stretched my arms and yelped in pain. Searing pain was traveling along my vertebrae. I fell backwards and almost passed out from the intense soreness of my muscles. I must have yelled because Charlie flung the door open and saw me laying facedown on my bed.

"You okay?" Charlie's boots made a loud thud on my floor. The only thing I saw was his uniformed pant. I grunted but my bedspread camouflaged most of the word. "Is it your back?"

I nodded my head. Stabbing pain jolted down my spine making an unpleasant vibration. I bit my mouth to keep from yelling again.

"Hang on." Charlie walked out of the room and I heard the medicine cabinet opening. Medicine is good. I like medicine. I tried to roll over and gasped when my back was flat against the mattress. I felt worse today then I did yesterday.

Charlie stomped back into my bedroom. His boots made a lot of noise something I never really noticed before. He sat on my bed, which dug into my back with his extra weight, I clenched my teeth gritting my agonizing throbbing. I sat up and the pressure was released from the stitched hole. I silently took the pain pills and swallowed two of them at the same time. I was not messing around.

Charlie sat the water on my bedside table. He looked at me with parental concern. "I'm not going to work today." His eyes were full of anxiety.

"No, please Dad. I want you to go to work." I said with a little too much convincing. "You'll just be bored sitting here with me. I'll probably go back to sleep. And Jacob Black is coming over later." I ended with a flourish.

"Are you sure?" Charlie double-checked his watch. "It's no problem I am the chief."

"Seriously Dad. I'll be fine. I'm getting sleepier as we speak." I emphasized the word sleep although it was partly true. I was going to nod off pretty fast.

"Okay, but I don't like it though, Bells. I am responsible for you."

"You're doing a great job." I said half-heartedly. He was! I was the one who sucked in the Dad-Daughter relationship. I moved back slowly and cushioned myself against my pillows.

"Well then, I'll let you rest." Charlie stood. "Wait a sec." He turned and left the room. I heaved a big sigh. I didn't mind Charlie's company at all but I really didn't want him to be at home bored to tears. I wasn't very entertaining nowadays.

He walked back into the room carrying the cordless phone. "If you need anything. _Anything_. I don't care if it's a water bottle. You call me. Got it?"

"Yes. Now go! You're going to be late." I scolded and he smiled. He walked out and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I twiddled my thumbs waiting for the pain pills to work their full effect. I saw my journal resting on the table. I reached over to get it and came up empty handed. I scooted to the side and reached again. My fingertips grazed the binding of the journal. I bit my lip and scooted farther over. Ah!

I opened the journal and filled the waiting time with some overdue writing.

Every dream is the same. I keep waiting for my mind to fully lose itself. Would that be sweet relief or inevitable? "Him" was with me in the forest our meadow. My chest feels inflamed with grief. I can't even mention the word meadow in my mind. The beautiful pictures in my head have become the nightmarish images in my dreams. Unfair to say the very least! His face disappears and the features are distorted. Is that a godsend? Do I want to remember him? I feel like he's fading away everyday. I wish the aching would fade too. .

_Charlie doesn't understand. Could or would I ever be able to explain it to him? He would look at me like I was a freak. No one can know. I find myself missing odd things in the weirdest of circumstances. At lunch in the cafeteria, I missed Alice and "you know who" silently communicating while they thought I sat unaware of their silent talks. Ugh, I'm crying again. I'm also getting sleepy. _

I shoved the journal under my pillow and turned my head to the side. I drifted off the sleep.

Is the banging coming from my head? I sat up slowly disoriented from my nap. No, it was getting louder. My heart was beating rapidly from the loud bangs on the door. I threw the blankets off of me and eased myself off the bed. I tried to stand upright but my back throbbed fervently.

I hunched over and took the steps like a baby. I held onto the railing for dear life. Almost there! Only five more steps to go! I huffed my way down and stood at the bottom feeling victorious. I sighed and bent at my waist to catch my breath. Banging on the door grew louder. I hobbled to the door and opened it. Jacob Black's smiling face quickly turned alarmed.

"You look terrible." Jacob commented and I saw his face flicker with emotion.

"Thanks. I feel kind of terrible." I mumbled and he walked into the house. He was holding something behind his back.

"Don't get mad." He warned me and shut the door. I hunched as I walked over to the couch.

"I am in so much pain you could tell me anything and I wouldn't feel as bad as I do right this minute." I felt the cushion as I sat down making sure I didn't fall off the couch. That wouldn't be good at all.

"I was hoping you would say that. Now that I think about it this might actually help." Jacob replied cautiously and held out my present.

"Is that a cane?" I scoffed and fury rolled through my body.

"It's a walking stick." Jacob interceded when he saw my face turn red. "Would it help if I bedazzled it?"

"Get out." I murmured but was too tired to follow through with my rage. I sunk into the cushions and Jacob came to sit beside me. He laid the stick on the table.

"You didn't let me finish." He whined humorously.

"So finish." I said between clenched teeth.

"This is a traditional Native American walking stick. I took some wood from a few Birchwood trees in the forest to make this for you, yesterday. I knew it would be a drag to walk with a sizeable wound like yours. Get it drag." He laughed and I mockingly laughed along with him then I folded my arms across my chest. "This will really help you. Besides Billy, my Dad, helped me and he wanted me to tell you that it's from him too."

Now, I felt like a jerk. I really did like Billy. Jacob played dirty telling me that his Dad was in on his plan. I huffed. "Fine, put it by the couch."

Jacob smirked and laid it across the back of the couch. "Now that I think about it I should have painted it or something. It's too plain. Does your Dad have any paint?"

"I don't know." I mumbled still unhappy about my old person-walking device. Jacob got up easily which I envied and walked to the kitchen. "What are you doing?" I considered turning my head but didn't have enough energy to swivel anything right now. Silence.

"Your Dad has no paint, I checked." Jacob was carrying two cans of soda in his hand. His hands were so huge that both sodas were tucked into his palm. He held one out for me and I took the can. It was freezing. I set it quickly on the couch.

"It's almost frozen." I commented and rubbed my hands together to heat them up again.

"Huh, I guess I didn't even notice. Weird?" Jacob was still holding his and popped the tab on the can. He must have gulped half the soda with one chug. He set it down and leaned back against the chair, usually reserved for Charlie's game watching.

I opened my soda and took a sip. Still too cold! I set it down on the coffee table.

"What time does Charlie get home from work?" Jacob asked and put both hands behind his head.

"It depends. He could be home now or really late at night." I droned and looked out the window. Another hazy day in Forks making the sky turn dark and dangerous.

"What do you do when he's at work?"

"Usually I'm at school." I reminded him. Which reminded me of the question I wanted to ask him. "How come your not at school today?"

"Things are a little more relaxed on the rez. We can take days off and its no biggie." Jacob smiled again when he saw the bewildered look on my face.

"Just like that. You get time off of school."

"Well, we have to make it up with extra assignments but mostly it's just two more worksheets for homework."

"That's crazy." I shook my head and took another sip of soda.

"Hey, I've got an idea." Jacob put his soda can down and gave me an impish grin.


	6. Chapter 6

(6) Nutella

I took a quick sip of my soda and looked at Jacob cautiously. "What did you have in mind? Remember I'm an invalid for a couple more days." I reminded him unnecessarily.

He brushed away my comment with his hand. "You're going to be perfectly safe. You're not that bad. You can still walk, kind of, which is something you _don't _need to worry about." Jacob stood and straightened his t-shirt. I stared up at his figure leaning over me. He completely blocked out the dim light from the lamp on the table. I was shrouded in darkness staring at his black pupils framed by long eyelashes.

"Sorry I think it's just going to be me and the couch today. We have a hot date." I joked lamely and tossed the remote control on the table. I looked around for my book and realized it was upstairs lying next to my beat-up computer.

"I have to say I'm disappointed in you, Bella." Jacob mocked and put his hands on his hips. "Here I thought I was going to hang out with this cool senior girl instead I get Grandma Bella." He paused and chuckled at his own joke.

"Really, I'm just not in the mood to be around people, I can't even walk correctly." I sighed trying that excuse and put my head against the soft cushion. I stretched my legs and settled in for a morning of trying not to think about anything resembling the past few months of my pathetic life.

"Well, that changes all the rules. You will not be walking anywhere." Jacob revealed and stalked over to the couch. "Go get dressed. We're leaving." He pointed his hand at me but I just swatted it away with irritation. Teenage boys could be so bothersome sometimes.

"I just told you I am in too much pain to get dressed." I sounded a bit bratty but Jacob was being a little unreasonable. He paced back and forth trying to come up with a plan. He was thinking so hard I could hear the mental wheels turning in his head. "Where we are going you don't need to get dressed. It's okay you can keep your pajamas on." He countered.

"Where are we going?"

"Ah, grasshopper. The answer awaits us." Jacob mimicked an Asian martial arts instructor and bent down. His head was right next to me.

"I'm going to pick you up." It was a statement not a question. I nodded my head not saying a word. I waited for the instant pain to envelop my back but it never came. Hmm, I don't know what kind of pill the doctor gave me but it worked magically. Jacob firmly held me and his hand was the base of my back. I should have been in terrible pain but I felt fine.

"I think I can walk." Jacob set me down and I stood stretching out my back little by little. I had soreness, which was nothing I couldn't handle. "I feel better." I walked to the stairs and tried the first step. Testing my newfound spree. I was able to walk up the entire staircase without clutching the banister for support. Excited, that I could dress myself I gathered clothes for a quick shower. I wrapped the bandage extra tight around my back so water wouldn't seep into the wound.

I continued to get dressed and pulled my hair into a ponytail. I moved a little faster going down the stairs then I did coming up. Jacob was sitting on the couch with his legs on the coffee table. He was watching a cooking show but his eyes were staring somewhere else.

"Okay, I'm ready." I announced and his eyes shifted. He was staring at my school pictures. Yikes. I forgot to take those down. Taking a stroll down memory lane with hideously posed pictures of me was not cool. I moved a little to the left so I completely blocked his view of the pictures.

"You feel better?" Jacob said hesitantly. He turned off the TV and stood.

"Yeah, I do." I agreed and shrugged on my jacket. "The wound must be healing pretty fast." I commented zippering my jacket and peeked outside to make sure it wasn't raining. I saw the ominous gray clouds forming together and put my jacket hood up protecting my head.

"Umm, yeah, or maybe it was the high dosage of Vicodin the doctor prescribed you." Jacob snorted and reached the coffee table next to the couch. "Five-hundred milligrams. Wow. That would make anyone feel like a million bucks and then some."

"Shut up. I am a fast healer. I am so awesome I must have a super power." I boasted and then realized what I said. Was I high on medication? I stifled a groan. I do not handle prescription medication that well.

Jacob stared at me for a minute then raised his eyebrows. "Okay, you're a superhero. I guess I should've known. What with your _amazing_ balance and ability to thwart injuries?"

Ha ha. I went to the table and grabbed my house keys. I shoved them into the fleece-lined pocket and put my gloves on. "Whose car are we taking?"

"I have Billy's truck. We can take that?" Jacob offered walking ahead of me and waited while I locked the door. I turned to follow him and went down the steps. I stumbled down the last step and Jacob reached out to steady my arm. He gave me a look (that said superhero huh?) and I mumbled to shut up.

I climbed in the passenger side and Jacob started the truck. It was newer than my truck so the engine started right away. Jacob turned on the heater for my benefit and I saw that he was wearing a light windbreaker. "Aren't you cold?"

"Nah, I brought this just in case it snowed or something." Jacob gestured to the flimsy jacket lying across the seat as if it were a fur-lined parka.

"You must be more warm blooded than me." I remarked and put my gloved hands against the heat. I always felt cold. I shivered at night when I was fully clothed and underneath my thick comforter. It must be nice to not require that much heat. I envied Jacob Black. "So where are you taking me?"

"Well, I thought we might take a drive and celebrate the fact that we are both not in school at the moment." He laughed and turned onto the highway.

"Okay, but it sounds like you have another reason?" I asked skeptically.

"I'm building a car and I wanted you to see it." Jacob revealed and hesitated turning his head eyeing me.

"Wait, you said you're building a car?" I paused and he nodded his head. "Wow, I didn't know you could do that?"

"Ha! There's a lot of things you don't know about me." Jacob intervened playfully.

"Then I guess it's a good idea that we're talking about you right now." I teased and stared out the window. I saw the forest expand and wind into trails for hiking. I peered into the trees but saw nothing but dark spaces. I tensed and looked away. The forest looked intimidating and held too many memories.

"Billy will be psyched to see you." Jacob smiled and his eyes were dancing in the shadows.

"Yeah, me too." I smiled slightly and looked out the windshield. It was raining now and Jacob turned the wipers on. I followed the blades gathering the rain and clearing the tiny puddles. I was mesmerized by the repetition. Jacob cleared his throat.

"What? Sorry was I ignoring you?" I asked quietly.

"I never saw anyone that enthralled by wind shield wipers. I'm kind of jealous." Jacob scoffed and drove steadily in the cascading rainfall. I could hear the loud contact the rain made on the roof of the truck. I was glad I was not walking outside right now.

"I have a one-track mind." I joked and Jacob nodded in agreement. I thought about the easiness I felt with Jacob. I didn't have to pretend or worry about hurting someone's feelings. The constant throbbing in my chest was lessened when I was with Jacob. I would have to test out that theory the next time I hung out with Jacob but I felt a brief glimmer of myself. I liked it. Jacob would never know how much he helped bring me back to the life of the living and take my mind off of things I didn't want to think about. I felt guilty because it could be mistaken that I was using him. But I suspected that he needed me as much as I needed him.

Jacob filled the time talking about his friends and Billy's latest discovery. _Nutella_. Jacob said that Billy was obsessed with Nutella and put it on every thing he ate. I had vaguely heard of the brand I tried following Jacob's gripe with the store for putting the Nutella brand half-off. Apparently Billy bought two jars and liked it so much he stocked up with more. I nodded along and declared Charlie's similar love affair with barbecue sauce. He put it on mashed potatoes and certain vegetables among other things.

Jacob pulled in front of his house. It's been a long time since I've been to the Black's. Their quaint house was nestled against the reservation land with plenty of trees and the convenience of the La Push beach nearby. I shuffled out of the truck and walked alongside Jacob.

Jacob held the front door open for me. I walked into the small living room.

"Hey Dad!" Jacob shouted his greeting and I followed him in the kitchen. Billy waved to us from the counter. He was spreading some Nutella on his toast. Jacob turned around and gave me a pointed look. I stifled a laugh and smiled at Billy. I was always fond of him when we were little. He was gentle with his children and rarely punished them.

"Bella Swan. It's been too long." Billy proclaimed and closed the jar of Nutella. I walked over to him and shook his hand.

"How's it going?"

"Can't complain. Have you ever tried this stuff?" Billy gestured towards the jar of Nutella. "I'm addicted to it I can't stop eating it."

"No I haven't tasted it before." I replied and smiled at Jacob who was looking at that jar of Nutella like he wanted to throw it out the window.

"I'm gonna show Bella my car." Jacob said proudly and Billy laughed.

"I don't think you're allowed to call it a car yet son. You need an engine for that." Billy joked laughing heartily. He tossed the knife in the sink.

Jacob laughed too and looked at me. "Come on let's see it before he says something else about my baby."

Billy wheeled into the living room balancing the plate of food on his lap. I waved quickly and he bowed his head at me.

Jacob walked over to the garage and I tried to follow. We both stumbled along the loose gravel. Jacob opened the doors and I saw car parts and tools littered all over the floor. I was impressed. A hollowed out car frame with tires and seats stood in the background.

"I'm surprised you have any time at all to build a car." I pondered staring at the puzzle pieces that I had no clue how they fit together.

Jacob walked over to the car and opened the door. "Have a seat."

I walked over to him and sat in the driver's seat. I sank into the leather-lined bucket seat. Jacob sat on the floor beside me and hunched over a few tools.

"How long have you been working on the car?" I put my hands on my knees and bent my head to him.

"It seems like it's been forever. More like a few months." Jacob turned and gave me another mega-watt smile. I rubbed my back and noticed little prickles of pain.

"You don't mind if I stand up do you?" I slowly reached for the frame of the car and Jacob grabbed my hand to pull me up.

"Uh-oh are the magic pills wearing off already?" Jacob teased but held me firmly as I stood up slowly.

"Yeah." I gasped and felt pain shooting from my back down to my legs. "Maybe I should go home." I whispered and bit my lip from screaming in agony.

"Hang on." Jacob let me go and ran out of the garage. I braced myself against his workbench trying to remain vertical. Jacob pushed the doors open and wheeled a chair towards me. "Sit down." He ordered.

"Isn't that Billy's wheelchair?"

"It's his old wheelchair. My sister got him a new one last Christmas." Jacob explained and pushed the wheelchair to my feet. I turned slowly and sank into the chair.

"I'm going to get the truck I'll be right back." Jacob dashed out of the garage. I saw him through the open door running in the light rain to his Dad's truck. Jacob moved the truck to the garage door opening and jumped out of the driver's side.

"Alright this might hurt a little." Jacob warned and I closed my eyes tight. He picked me up accidentally touching my bandaged cut. I grabbed his jacket collar and winced. He set me down in the passenger seat. He drove us back to Forks using the highway. I was shaking my foot in anticipation. Jacob noticed and reassured me that we were almost there.

I bit my nail and noticed the wipers had stopped working. The heavy rain was blurring the window. I scarcely made out the cars in the opposite lane.

"Shoot." Jacob moved the lever up and down a couple of times. It didn't work. I looked at him nervously. "Come on." He urged the wipers to start working.

"Jacob." I said cautiously and he ignored me trying to fiddle with the buttons on the dashboard.

"Pull over." I urged him. I didn't remember if there was a car in front of us but suddenly I saw red lights up ahead. A little too close. I yelled at Jacob. "STOP."

Jacob glanced up and noticed the break lights that were inches from the truck. He slammed on the brakes and swerved the wheel. The car jumped the road and fell into a deep crevice. We bounced up and down in the cab before we smashed into a tree. I felt the seatbelt clench my neck. I jerked back from the impact. My head hit the back windshield. I saw a faint image before my eyes closed.


	7. Chapter 7

(7) Voice

Bella, you need to wake up, Right Now! The lovely voice in my head begged. Even in my delirious state I would recognize that voice anywhere. It was "his" voice. I trembled from fright apparently I was losing my mind. Bella. The beautiful voice called my name again and I shivered with a mixture of delight and bewilderment. I started to see blackness overcoming me and the voice sighed with a heavenly whisper. Stay awake, for me? The soothing voice murmured. That wasn't fair, I would do anything for that voice. I was lost in the darkness. Bella, be strong and overcome this. The smooth velvet voice ordered and began fading away. I wrestled my way back to reality eager to see him.

I began to blink my eyes rapidly but my vision was still blurry. I squinted my eyes demanding them to focus and my heart sank. I waited minutes for the return of the voice to hear him in my thoughts. I was uncertain of how much time passed but I knew with each passing second that I wouldn't hear from that voice. Miserably, I looked in confusion at the cab wondering how I got in my truck? I clutched the dashboard for support and saw the difference immediately.

I was not in my _**truck**_. Understanding set in this was Billy's truck. I turned my head to the left and saw a glossy head of black hair leaning against the steering wheel. I struggled to undo my seatbelt. I scrambled so fast my movements were not able to grasp the button to release the safety latch. I felt my index finger connect to the button and the buckle flung from the latch.

I gently tapped Jacob on the shoulder. "Jacob?" I leaned closer to try to hear his breathing. His body was frighteningly still. "Jacob? Please can you hear me?" I pressed a little harder against his shoulder. He didn't move. I didn't want to move his head in case he had injured his neck. I didn't want to think about paralysis the word sent a cold chill down my spine.

I looked around the cab of the truck. I didn't bring my cell phone and I doubted Jacob had one on him. I looked at the pocket of his jeans. I didn't want to dig around the pocket in case he did wake up and wondered what the heck I was doing. I bit my lip and thought for a moment. The rain was still falling in heavy sheets pelting against the window. I couldn't leave the truck to get help. I would have to wait.

I heard a small groan. I moved closer to Jacob and winced from my back pain. I stopped for a second and controlled my breathing. "Jacob?" I called sucking in my breath.

Jacob groaned again and I gently moved his arm to the side away from his face. I tried to push him back against the seat but he was too heavy. I gave him a gentle nudge but his body was dead weight. I used my foot and with the heel kicked him in the leg. He stirred in his seat.

He brought his hands back and slowly leaned back from the steering wheel. I exhaled in relief until I saw the cut above his eye. Blood was trailing down his face in jagged maroon lines to his neck. I tried to control my gag reflex. He brought his hands to his face and moaned again.

"Jacob? Can you hear me?" I pressed him to answer me. I looked around for something I could use to tie around his cut. I opened his glove compartment and all he had was a dirty rag thrown on top of the manual. I got the rag carefully folding it on a cleaner side and pressed it against his cut.

"Jacob? JACOB?" I yelled right in his ear. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do but I wanted to make sure he could hear me. He stirred and opened his eyes. He looked at the top of the truck and then focused his eyes on me. His pupils were tiny and dazed.

"What happened?" He murmured. He reached up and touched his face. He drew his hand back and saw the blood smeared all over them. He sat up more alert and touched his face again. He brought the same hand up with blood trailing down his palm.

"You crashed into a tree. You're bleeding. Do you have a cell phone?" I blurted before he slipped into unconsciousness. He was still staring at his palm dumbfounded. "Jacob, Cell Phone?" I asked my voice shrilly.

"No, I don't have my cell with me." Jacob brought the visor down and opened the compact mirror. He wiped some blood from his face with the rag. He folded the rag into a smaller piece and pressed it against his forehead.

"How do you feel?" I asked feeling immense pain. Now that Jacob was okay I could focus on my excruciating pain.

"I'm alright. I feel a little light-headed. Man, that car came out of nowhere. Jeez, Bella I'm sorry I almost killed us."

"Let's just worry about getting out of here." I knew the car was not drive-able. It was slanted at an odd angle with the trunk of the tree smashed into the fender. The leaves were falling steadily around the car and the rain turned into a light drizzle.

"I'm gonna check it out." Jacob moved his hand to the handle.

"Wait." I cried. "Are you sure you're okay?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, it's just a cut." He opened the driver's side and stepped out. I watched Jacob walk to the front of the truck and examine the damage. He had a grim expression on his face, which could only mean the truck was not going anywhere. He walked back and slid into the driver's seat.

"It's bad. I don't think I can fix it."

"Can anyone see us from the highway?"

"I didn't check. Probably if we had road flares or something. I don't think Billy has any in here. He wasn't exactly up-to-date on safety." Jacob rested his hand on the steering wheel. He arm had a bruise that was beginning to swell with a blue shadow around the edge.

I folded my arms across my chest. I was trying hard to think of a solution for getting out of this mess. I couldn't concentrate. I could not determine how I was able to hear _**his**_ voice so clear and definite in my head. It puzzled me confusing my train of thought.

"Earth to Bella." Jacob was waving a hand in front of my face. I looked up guiltily from my digression.

"Sorry." I mumbled feeling like a complete weirdo for believing that _**he**_ would actually be talking to me. He didn't want me that was the surest thing I knew.

"I'm going to see if I can walk back to La Push." Jacob mumbled and I saw him hesitate.

"By yourself?" I asked haughtily.

"Yeah, you're in no position to walk. Honestly I think you would slow me down. Don't worry I don't think it would take me more than an hour to get back or if I can track down a car or phone maybe sooner." Jacob offered shrugging his shoulders. He was already putting on his light windbreaker. His movements were a little off taking extra long to pull his arm through the sleeve. He was in no position to walk alone.

"Wait a sec, what about me?"

"You stay here. Like I said, I'll only be an hour." Jacob looked at me with his eyes set on going forward. Nothing I could say would change his mind.

"You can't leave me here." I attempted one last reason and Jacob put the keys back in the ignition. He turned sideways and faced me. I saw the fatigue settled around his eyes making small circles under his lower eyelashes. His cut was bleeding through the rag making it heavy with blood.

"Don't you want your medicine?" Jacob offered and frowned at me.

"Well, yeah I do." I accidentally tightened the muscle in my back and intense pain shot up my spine. I quickly brought my arm to my mouth and muffled the scream.

"I'll come back. I promise." Jacob vowed and gave me a parting look. He left the cab pulling the hood of the windbreaker over his head. I watched him trudge up the hill disappearing behind a brush of plants. I looked up and rolled my window down about an inch. It was getting warm in the cab. I rolled down the window and the chilly air crept in. I put my head back to rest on the reclining back. I tightened my jacket around me and waited for Jacob to return.


	8. Chapter 8

(8) Danger

Now what? I surveyed the forest taking in the rich abundance of trees with their silky moss texture. The leaves were clinging to the last drops of rain making shiny beads on the edge of the ridges. The cab of the truck was indented around the tree directly in front of me. It was shaped at an impossible angle and I looked at the splintered pieces of bark sticking into the hood. The bark looked like fingers gripping the truck in place holding me _hostage_. I shivered from the icy weather and grimaced from the returning pain in my back. It was vehemently attacking my body making my spine ache like never before. I cringed and sat slowly back against the seat.

I looked up at the roof and saw the tiny brown stains spotted like sprinkles in an anonymous design. I wondered how they got there, what happened to spatter the roof in sprinkled constellations. I moved my head staring at the stain pieces till it hit the back window.

I moved to the right adjusting my neck and put my cheek against the cool glass. That felt much better. I thought about Jacob walking in the light rain with a bloody rag pressed against his forehead. We both looked like the aftermath of a horror movie. I gulped and my throat felt bone dry. I gathered saliva in my mouth and swallowed. It didn't help.

I tapped my fingers lightly against the armrest but quickly grew bored. I searched the forest gaps to see if I could spot tiny animals but straining my eyes was giving me a headache. There was nothing to do but wait. How long was Jacob going to be? I hope that he was okay walking on the highway. Charlie told me stories about the highway. The dangers of people walking along the tiny shoulder and being blindsided by cars who didn't see the people walking. I shivered and wrapped my thin jacket around me.

The sky turned dusky and the window was freezing my cheek. Sighing I moved again bringing another round of intense pain. I bit my lip and breathed slowly to control the pain vibrating my spine. This was bad.

I watched the leaves rustle in the wind and my eyes became drowsy. I was counting the leaves on one particular branch when I fell asleep. I remember reaching three hundred and forty-eight when my eyes closed. I dreamt of the meadow and the leaves rustling in the wind. Jacob was running across the meadow and I saw his dark hair blowing around his face. It was usually tied back but at this moment it was freely moving in the breeze. I stood there happy to see him and relieved that his cut wasn't bleeding anymore. I waved but he kept running towards me but his face was different.

I leaned closer to catch the difference and saw his eyes slanted. His mouth was moving but I couldn't hear the words. He ran faster towards me and his arms were pumping by his side. I moved my hands to my ears and tried to tell him that I couldn't hear him but he continued speaking.

"Jacob, I can't hear you." I yelled and I saw his face morph into terror. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?" I asked half-crazed.

Jacob ran even faster and stopped when he was a few feet away from me.

"Bella." Jacob gasped in a mixture of relief and horror.

"What? I'm right here." I said stupidly. Of course, he knew I was right here.

"Bella! Run Bella!" Jacob ordered and I stood in a daze. Run? Run from what?

"I don't understand?" I uttered feeling the tiny shivers of fear creeping down my back. My hands tingled with numbness.

Jacob stood beside me and started trembling. I put my hand on his arm but his body was shaking too much. I removed my hand and he stepped back from me. I looked up into Jacob's eyes and saw the chilling remoteness taking over. He stretched his back and yowled deep and deafening. I covered my ears and tried to understand what was happening to him.

I went to touch his shoulder again but something pulled me back. I snapped my hand back quickly and Jacob twisted his frame. He was contorting his body fighting the tremors rolling through his torso. I took a huge step back while frozen with shock at what I was seeing. It couldn't be true? The hugest wolf I have ever seen in my life was standing before me. The russet hair was shaggy and glistening in the sun.

I tried to run but my body would not cooperate. Run, dummy, I told myself.

The wolf leaned forward and for a moment it's paw came next to my face. I closed my eyes bracing myself for the dangerous touch. I clenched my fists and panic flooded my brain.

I turned slightly and felt something cold on my cheek. I wiped my hand gently brushing my skin. I woke up slightly dazed. I looked down at my hand and saw my wet fingers. I reached up and wiped my eyes. Tears still overflowed my eyes and I tried to quickly brush them away. I used my shirt to clean my face.

I sighed and thought about my bizarre dream. Or was it a nightmare? Why did Jacob Black morph into an enormous wolf? Mike had mentioned the bear sightings that a few campers were complaining about. Apparently, hikers were being driven from there usual campgrounds because of abnormally large bear habituating nearby. It was odd that I would connect Jacob Black with a forest animal. I scratched my forehead and awaited Jacob's arrival. I couldn't wait to tell him my latest dream and watch him crack up at my overactive imagination.

The sky was getting darker especially the large redwood trees blocking out the remaining moments of sunlight. I wanted to be at home sprawled on the couch reading a novel. I could not get comfortable sitting upright in the truck.

The light tapping caught my attention. Perhaps, the wind was finally making its way down to the ground. Usually the wind affected the trees and high hedges that could be reached but not the shrubs located near the ground.

I ignored the tapping and ran my fingers through my hair. The tapping increased and a shrilly sound sprung from the left side of the truck. I turned my head at the sound but saw nothing in the rear mirror. I fidgeted in my seat feeling a case of nerves from being alone too long. Was I going to imagine every little sound as someone coming for me? The truck shook as a response to my panic. Forgetting my back pain I turned quickly and looked out the back window.

Tall trees filled the panoramic view. The light rain had stopped. I froze and stared out the window waiting for danger to appear. Time passed slowly. The truck rocketed to the left pushing my frame against the passenger door. I braced my hands on the dashboard and noticed they were shaking.

The growl from outside resonated loudly in the cab and I tried to peer out the window. I noticed the brown pair of eyes staring at me with a lifeless tenacity. I swallowed a scream and moved to the driver's seat. The hulking figure that was neither man nor small animal loomed in my passenger window. I tried to turn the engine over and monitor the danger threatening my life.

The engine sputtered and died out. I desperately plunged my foot against the accelerator. It was dead like me. I put my head against the steering wheel in defeat. I felt the first few tears run down my nose. The beastly animal walked around the truck. I looked out the window and scrutinized my choices. Bella, a luring voice called. I knew I was hallucinating now. Bella, don't move. The voice warned and I moved my hand to the door handle anyway. I was going to make a run for it. That was my only choice. I was dead sitting in the truck an open target.

Bella, take your hand off the handle. NOW. The voice demanded his silky smooth tone cutting my horrified thoughts. No! I thought wildly getting ready to push the handle down. I didn't have a chance.

Bella, it's okay. If you stay still it won't hurt you. It's just curious. The voice soothed from the deepest corner of my mind. I couldn't get over the accuracy of his pitch still beautiful and perfect even in his absence. I shook my head defiantly back and forth.

Bella, listen to me. You are safe. I will never guide you into danger. You can believe me. The voice pacified my nerves. I balked and bit my lip. Yeah, you left me. You said you wouldn't but you did it anyway. I'm going to die.

No, you're going to live. The voice demanded but it was getting faint. I took my hand off the door handle and struggled with my urge to flee. Stay. The voice suggested before it left me.

I shook my head again wanting to hear the last syllable it would utter. The large animal was gone. I breathed in relief and a knock on the window broke my gratitude. I screamed until my lungs burned.


	9. Chapter 9

(9) Rescued

I was so busy screaming that I didn't notice Jacob was trying desperately to open the door. He almost pulled it off the hinges. I clamped my mouth shut and opened the door.

He leaned inside the cab with a panicked look. "What happened?"

"You scared me." I muttered and my voice was hoarse from the yelling rampage.

"You knew I was coming back. Slide over will ya. It's getting chilly out here." Jacob said and I moved back.

Jacob slid in the seat and shut the truck's door. The door banged shut and the glass shook slightly.

"I'm sorry Jacob. I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy. First I had a weird dream then I thought there was a wolf outside the truck." I shook my head in disbelief amazed at my vivid imagination.

Jacob stopped moving the lever by the steering wheel and his alarmed eyes made me freeze.

"What did you say?" Jacob questioned and put his arm on the back of my seat.

"What's wrong?" I was feeling nervous and I was frightened because Jacob was getting anxious.

"There was a animal attack last week near the reservation. Someone said the animal was huge almost wolf-like." Jacob stared out the window trying to see animals moving around in the dark. "I would of felt horrible if anything happened to you. I shouldn't have left you here alone."

"Did you find help?" I asked hoping the cavalry would come to save us. I'd even settle for a shining star guiding Charlie to us.

"I walked up the highway and came to a crossing. The rain really started coming down and it was getting dark. I was almost side-swiped by a car." Jacob admitted and ran a hand through his hair. I noticed that it was sopping wet pulled into a ponytail. Trails of water dripped down his back.

"Oh no. Jake I'm sorry." I felt like a jerk. If only I didn't trip and hurt my back then I could have helped Jacob. Instead I sat here like an invalid while he did all the work.

"S'okay. The rain didn't help and the cars driving down the highway like maniacs." Jacob took off his drenched jacket and hung it over the dashboard. I stared at the little puddle gathering on the console of the truck.

"I feel awful." I muttered. I watched the dashboard light up as Jacob turned the key in the ignition. He tried to reverse the truck but the wheels spun in place. He flicked the key to off with frustration.

"No cars stopped for you." I know hitch hiking was bad but Jacob was so big that I didn't think anyone would mess with him. Of course the opposite was also true and no one picked him up because they were afraid of his size. To be honest if I didn't know him then I probably wouldn't have stopped either. I now know that Jacob wouldn't hurt a fly.

"Nah I didn't even stick my thumb out. I was busy shielding myself from the downpour." Jacob sniffled and I felt even worse. He was going to get pneumonia because of me. He leaned his head back and I got a better look at the cut on his forehead. The small gash was purple and blue now with a clot of blood near the ridge.

"How's your head?" I asked cautiously. Jacob was closing his eyes and looked like he might be sleeping.

"Okay. I've got a headache nothing I can't deal with." He rubbed his eyes and we both heard the sound of branches breaking.

He snapped his eyes open and we both stared at one another. He put his finger up to his mouth to shush me. I had my mouth half-open ready to scream. A small whimper escaped my lips.

He moved closer to me and put his hand over my mouth. "Sssh." Jacob warned and whispered his words.

I clutched onto his arm and he grabbed me in an embrace. I buried my face in his shoulder and he had a woodsy scent that made me feel slightly better. He turned his body and sighed. I thought he was bracing himself for whatever danger was outside. I looked up at him and saw his face relax.

I moved back and looked at him.

"Sam." Jacob acknowledged.

"Where? Here?" I asked and moved my head.

"Yeah." Jacob let me go and went to open the door.

"What happened to your truck?" Sam asked and nodded at me. I waved and settled into my seat.

"The car went off the highway and now we're stuck. I tried to go for help but couldn't find my way out." Jacob summarized and I looked at Sam closely. He was very tall with dark black hair cropped to his face. He was wearing a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans. He had no jacket.

"Your Dad called a while ago. He was worried when he didn't hear from you." Sam inflected and Jacob cringed.

"Yeah, I forgot I had to call him." Jacob groaned and looked at me. "He wanted me to pick up a prescription at the pharmacy."

"How'd you find us?" I interrupted.

"I saw the tracks off the highway plus some plants near the highway were shredded." Sam went to examine the truck. He stood in front of the cab and looked at the ruined front. "Jacob come here."

Jacob left the cab and walked over to Sam. They talked briefly and Sam went to the front. He tried to lift it and I was surprised when it lifted slightly. I braced myself and Jacob bent forward to help Sam.

"Bella!" Jacob shouted. "Start the car and put it in reverse."

I nodded and scooted into the driver's seat. I went to start the car and put the gear into reverse. I carefully put my foot on the gas afraid that the car might go forward and squish both of them. I put pressure on the pedal and the car leaped back. I pressed harder and the car rocketed backwards. I slammed on the brakes and the engine was roaring. Jacob walked back to the truck with Sam in tow.

Jacob opened the driver's door. "Thanks, Sam." Sam nodded.

"Be safe both of you." He departed right before he gave me a stern look. I couldn't help but look at his almond black eyes. He left and I shivered from the intense stare.

"Ready." Jacob put the truck in motion and we tunneled through the murky forest back to the highway.

I leaned my head back on the seat and rested. The ride couldn't end fast enough for me. I had enough adventure for one day. We were going back to my house after the extended stay in the forest. I was only too eager to get some more medicine because my back felt like it was on fire. I wrapped my jacket around me and Jacob turned the heater on.

"Sorry about today. I wanted it to be special or different. I blew it big time." Jacob confessed and turned to me.

"Actually I don't think I will forget today for a long time." I told him and truly felt it.

Jacob nodded. He drove down my familiar street and I saw Charlie's police cruiser in the driveway.

"How about I make it up to you? When you feel better we'll hang out." Jacob compromised.

"Sure." I agreed and smiled half-heartedly. I really did like hanging out with Jacob and I didn't think of "him" since this morning. Jacob's smile made me feel warm in the too cold night.

He hopped out of the cab and went to my side. He held the door for me and I struggled to get out of the truck. He gripped my elbow making sure I had a good footing before he let go.

"Take care. I'll call you tomorrow." Jacob promised. I didn't know how we transformed into this easy relationship but I liked it. I knew Jacob would be a great companion for the long lonely days ahead of me.

"Alright." I said happily and amazed myself again. I was happy and it was because of Jacob Black.

I carefully walked up the front steps to the door and Jacob watched me go. He left me to go appease Billy before he got too worried. I saw two lights on inside and opened the front door. Charlie never locked the front door when he was home. Another wonder of small town living.

I walked inside and felt funny instantly. The T.V. set was not on. That was weird because Charlie liked to unwind when he got home from work. I walked slowly because the house was really quiet. I hung my jacket in the hallway and went into the kitchen. Charlie was sitting at the table looking down. I sighed in relief.

"Hi Dad." I went to the refrigerator. I spotted a water bottle and took it out. "Do you know where my pain pills are? I really need them." I took a drink and Charlie looked up at me. His eyes were perplexed and implausible.

I dropped the bottle and water trickled on the floor. I swallowed the small lump in my throat. I noticed right below him on the kitchen table was my journal. I had the urge to grab it and run away hiding from the questions.

Water dripped down my leg and I felt like I was going to throw up.


	10. Chapter 10

(10) Pressure

"We need to talk, Bella." Charlie curved his lips into a grimace and I decided to guard my words because he can't know the truth ever.

"Okay." I walked over to the small kitchen table and sat in the chair slowly. I ran my hands through my hair and felt the texture destroyed from the rain and dampness.

"I don't even know where to start." Charlie sighed and I continued to stare at him with a blank expression. I was seething underneath the guilty exterior. How could he take my journal? That is a huge violation of my privacy. I don't go in his bedroom and look at his things. A different feeling flooded my thoughts. I didn't leave the journal in the living room in plain view of him? Did I?

"It's just a journal. Nobody really means what they write in there." I struggled to come up with the right words. I was going to have to lie to the highest degree to keep Charlie appeased.

"The things you wrote in here, honey. I think you meant them." Charlie looked a little frightened of me and he opened the journal. I instinctively reached out for the evidence but he was leafing to the exact spot he had read. I swallowed the whole glass of water willing myself not to cry.

"Why did I ever have to discover he was a vampire?" Charlie's eyes pierced straight through me. "My life would be so much simpler if I never knew. Now, I am putting everyone I know in danger. I can never tell. Maybe it's better that the Cullen's left after all I could blow their cover at any time. I want him here so bad. I would give my life to have him with me." He set the journal on the table and rubbed his temples. I felt my lower lip tremble and realized I was biting so hard blood was running down my chin.

"It's not real Dad." I pleaded half-heartedly rubbing the blood from my chin. "I'm sorry."

"What am I going to do? You need help, Bella." Charlie snapped and I got extremely nervous. My knees were shaking and I wobbled over to him.

"That's not the truth. Why would I ever think that he was a vampire? That's ridiculous. He left me and it hurts. I write about my pain." I was clinging to any explanation to cover my stupidity. Charlie sat still as a stone at the table without looking at me. I could see the resolve in his eyes "So that's it then. Whatever I say doesn't matter. There's nothing you can do anyways." I threatened and flinched at his expression.

Charlie slammed his fist on the table. I jumped and walked backwards. The kitchen table shook for a minute. "Your mother is on her way from the airport. She was in Arizona earlier today when I called her cell." He declared and waited for my reaction.

"You called Mom?" I asked outraged.

Charlie nodded his head. "I think you need to go upstairs." I wanted to quell the uneasy feeling in my stomach. I had so many unfinished truths to tell him but he wasn't going to listen to me anymore tonight. The worried gnawed at my stomach. I put the bottle I used in the sink and gave a last look at Charlie. He was staring out the window. The expression in his eyes was unreadable. I turned defeated and went to my room.

I kicked the comforter under my bed. My hands were still shaking and I didn't know why. I took two more pain pills and didn't bother changing for bed. I climbed in with my clothes and threw the blanket over my head.

The tapping on my door disturbed my sleep. I found my way out of the burrowed hole I created in my bed. I shivered as I walked to the door. Renee waited on the other side with her hands on her hips. Not a good sign.

"Hi Mom." I said awkwardly and walked over to my bed. I sat and watched her pause before joining me. "You got here fast."

"What's going on Bella?" My Mom had a slight pain behind her eyes. I felt sick causing her any sort of pain whether it was self-inflicted or not.

"It's just a journal. Nobody really means anything they write in those things." I quibble. I'm grasping for any ploy to keep Renee from worrying.

"Edward is very special to you." She stopped and I didn't answer because it was a rhetorical question. I didn't want to talk about this right now. "I didn't understand how bad it was until I seen it with my own eyes."

"What are you talking about?" The shade of defensiveness was apparent in my question.

"You are not handling this when you told me you were. You look bad, honey. Your eyes are withdrawn and you look too thin." Renee squeezes my arm, which I suppose was suppose to make me feel better but it doesn't.

"So I'll sleep and eat more." I try to sound sarcastic but it ends up sounding pathetic.

"Bella, you know what I mean. I think Charlie is right." Renee announces and I actually do a double take.

"About what?" I ask defiantly. I examine my Mother's eyes and see her tiredness. I put her through a lot. Charlie did not need to call her and put her through this charade. I started to get angry again.

"You need to get away from this town." She saw my immediate disapproval. "Not forever. I think you need to talk about what is going in your life." That's the last thing I wanted to do. "You'll feel better." No, I won't I thought.

I shook my head because I didn't want to hear anymore. "That's not going to help." I spew and exclaim loudly. "I just want to go to school and get through this year."

"Then what?" Renee challenged.

"Then I go to college and move on with my life." I clamor for a valid argument. Renee guffaws and knows I'm lying. I will wait forever if I have too. He'll come back. He has too. I approach the very scary threshold of sanity. Why am I clinging to him? He isn't coming back. I scolded myself.

"We found this place it's in Pacific Beach almost a half-hour from Forks." Renee paused to gauge my reaction. I shook my head roughly. That was way too far.

"I'm not going. I'm an adult. Legal. I will not commit myself to a asylum." I claimed and threw my arms across my chest ready to runaway if they forced me to hang out with a bunch of crazies.

"It's not an asylum. Honey, we don't think you're crazy. It's called, "Serenity Youth Program". It's a premier facility that I really think could help you." Renee grasps my hand, which I do not find comforting.

"I can't go." I try to reason but am quickly losing the fight. I need you to come back to me. Prove everyone wrong that I did not imagine your presence or your love. I am suddenly having difficulty breathing.

"It's a month just think of it as a vacation. You get to see some of Washington and have a little solitude. You could write some more in your journal." Renee quickly stops and I wonder if she is wishing she didn't bring up the journal.

"I didn't imagine Edward." I wince as the stabs of pain hit my stomach. "He's real. Do you want to see his house?"

"Maybe, some other time." Renee stares at me sadly and I wish I had the pictures I took of Edward. He took them when he so completely erased himself from my life. I was left with incoherent mumblings that he was coming back.

Charlie walks in my room and stands by the doorway. I look miserably at the floor. Was it my imagination? Did Edward even exist? I hate being questioned.

"Dad, tell Mom that Edward was real. He came over and met you." I struggle to finish the story but I don't have too.

"Yeah, he's real." Charlie says slowly but I see his eyes flicker. That little movement debased his whole conversation.

"Rest, Bella. Tomorrow we'll go and check in to Serenity." Renee starts to brush my hair like she did when I was little.

I lean gratefully into her shoulder and let her stroke my hair. Tears roll down my face. "I don't want to go." I say in a tiny voice.

"Bella, the only alternative is to go to Serenity or come with me to Florida." Renee omits and I sigh heavily. So this was it. My final ultimatum, I didn't have anywhere to go. I didn't have a lot of money so I was stuck. She knew it and Charlie knew it.

"I'm tired." I whisper and feel defeated. My body sags against her and she beckons Charlie to help her lower me to the bed. I let Charlie tuck me in even though I'm furious that he caused all this nonsense.

"Don't worry Bells." Charlie puts his finger on my cheek, I turn abruptly and close my eyes. I wish I could run away but I didn't have that much money unless I quit school and got a full time job. That wouldn't work. My eyes were getting heavy possibly with all the strain I was put under today. Charlie and Renee left me alone. The door stood open a crack and I settled in to sleep.

I fought the nightmares and felt my eyes snap open. I heard a noise and I went still. The tapping continued and I strained my ears to find the direction. It was coming from my window. I pulled the covers around me and stifled a yelp. Then I heard my name. It couldn't be. What did he think he was doing?


	11. Chapter 11

(11) Stunned

Jacob Black?

I stood still for a moment and let that piece of information sink in. What was he doing here? This was becoming very strange. I contemplated whether or not to get out of bed but curiosity won over. I pulled the covers off my head and swung my feet over. The floor is freezing.

I let my feet find the slippers I used on the coldest nights in Forks. There were plenty of those nights to get good use out of my slippers. They were tattered and the purple color was fading.

I checked to make sure I wasn't wearing embarrassing pajamas. Gray T-shirt and sweat pants perfectly acceptable.

I glanced down from my window and Jacob waved his arms. I slid the window open even further.

"What are you doing here?" I knew it was rude to ask that but I was baffled as to why he was here right now.

"Charlie called earlier." Jacob admitted and I was still confused. What did that mean? Jacob seemed impatient for me to try to figure out his message. He was walking towards the tree.

"What are you doing?" I asked again and Jacob shimmied up the trunk. He seemed to reach the thick branch that was a few feet below my window with ease. He gripped the branch and hauled himself up to a sitting position.

"You grew again." I accused. He was unstoppable in that department. Pretty soon, he wouldn't need to climb branches to reach my window. A simple jump and he would clear the ledge of my second-story window.

He laughed deeply and shook his head. He stood up and was eye level with me. "You might want to stand back." Jacob whispered now that he was closer to my house and I widened my eyes.

"Don't! You'll kill yourself." I gasped and he laughed again. I hugged my arms around my chest and refused to move.

"Thanks for having so much faith in me. You might want to move now. I'm coming in." Jacob warned and his eyes danced in the moonlight. The black pupils were alive with energy and I obediently took two steps back. Jacob gripped the window-sill with his hands and swung his legs through the opening. He fell quietly to the floor.

I was amazed that he didn't make too much noise. I listened for Charlie's snoring and heard the proof a minute later. My Mom was downstairs so I didn't worry about her overhearing Jacob's landing she was a pretty deep sleeper.

Anger overcame me. "What do you think you're doing? You could have hurt yourself. I would be in more trouble than I am right now." I pushed his shoulder but he didn't budge.

"What's up with that?" Jacob sat on the edge of my bed and I sat next to him. I looked down.

"How did you know?" I whispered.

"Billy of course. I overheard him talking to Charlie on the phone. He was asking him about the treatment center that he knew about." Jacob played with a string from my bedspread. He wrapped it around his finger letting the string tighten around his index finger. I stared at him.

"It's bad Jacob. Worse than I ever could have imagined. Everything has gotten out of control." I couldn't explain to Jacob why I was leaving.

"Is it because of that Cullen guy?" Jacob asked shyly and snapped the string from the bedspread. I jumped and swallowed suddenly my throat was really dry.

"No." I lied. I felt guilty about lying but Jacob knowing the truth would be bad right now.

"Did he hurt you?" Jacob turned to me a fiery heat in his words and his eyes were menacing. I saw the flicker of his eyes that paused waiting for my answer.

"Yes but it's not like that. I am just going to Serenity to talk about my feelings. I have a lot of issues that I am dealing with right now." I covered lamely. Please, stop questioning me.

"You can talk to me." Jacob confided and moved his hand closer to mine. I shifted from him and he leaned forward. I noticed he didn't have a jacket on. It must be freezing outside.

"Aren't you cold?" I gasped. The chilly air invaded my room from the open window.

"No." Jacob waved away the question. "You're deflecting." He pointed his finger at me.

"No I'm not. It's really cold outside. Why aren't you wearing a jacket?" I asked suspiciously. Jacob leaned forward and looked me in the eyes.

"Because I'm not cold. Now why are you going to Serenity?" Jacob started to quiver and I backed away from him. He pushed his hair away from his face and he looked scared.

"Are you okay?" I asked cautiously and he nodded his head.

"No actually I'm not. I'm not feeling too good." He stood up wavering. "I think I'm going to go." He stumbled to the window.

"Use the front door." I scolded because he looked like he was going to be sick.

"I'll be okay." He breathed evenly and put his hand on the window sill.

I walked towards him and he looked down at me. "Will you visit me?"

"Yeah." Jacob gruffly said and turned away from me. I wanted to hug him do something other than stand by and let him leave. He waited for a minute then went out the window. He really did not look that well. I bit my lip and hoped he made it home.

I didn't get much sleep after that. I heard Renee walking up the stairs. She was much lighter on her feet than Charlie was. She knocked a couple of times and slowly opened the door.

"Oh, you're packed." She looked at the two bags stacked neatly on my bed. I figured since I wasn't going to be able to sleep I might as well pack my clothes. I only brought a few pairs of jeans and three weeks worth of shirts. I hope they had a washing machine.

"Might as well." I muttered and flopped back on my bed. I started to read my book when Renee sat across from me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Renee pulled her legs up and sat indian style. I wasn't in the mood for a chat.

"No Mom not really. I don't have anything to say." I stomped to the closet and pulled out my jacket. "If you don't mind, I'd like to get going."

"Oh, okay." Renee climbed from my bed and stood awkwardly by my door. I gathered my two bags and stomped down the stairs.

"Hey Bells, want some breakfast?" Charlie called. I strode past him and flung the front door open.

"No." I said slammed the front door. I opened his cruiser and threw my bags in the backseat. I sat down and pulled the seatbelt around me. If they wanted to send me away then that was their business but I would not make it easy for them. The frigid morning air made the waiting in the car unbearable. I considered going back inside until I saw the door open.

Charlie came down the steps and I rolled down the window. "Honey, don't be like this. Come inside and eat before we leave."

"I'm not hungry." I spewed and put my earphones in my ears. I turned the music up and Charlie threw his hands up in the air. He climbed the steps and came out five minutes later with Renee. They both got in the car. Thankfully he turned the heater on.

I didn't talk to them the whole way there. It took less than forty minutes to reach Pacific Beach. I should've been enjoying the scenic views but I closed my eyes the whole time. I did happen to catch a glimpse of the ocean every now and then.

We drove up a small hill and arrived at a wooden house with the word Serenity carved in the sign. It was small, but cozy. There was soft light coming out the front window and I didn't see any chain link fences. The house was not the least bit intimidating kind of like a vacation home for kids. I hated it.

Charlie parked and we all walked up to the front door. Charlie and Renee went in first. I followed and the counter up front had a sign-in log. The woman who sat behind the counter was friendly and asked for my bags. She checked each item and I stared at her. Was that necessary? I'm not some hardened criminal. She was small and overweight. She had puffy red hair and glasses.

"How was the drive, Chief Swan?" The woman turned to Charlie. Charlie talked about the road and I plopped on the couch.

Renee walked over and sat next to me. "This is only temporary."

Huh, like my relationship with guys or friends. Temporary. I leaned my head back.

Renee and Charlie struggled to say goodbye and I allowed them to hug me. I plopped back down on the couch and stared at the fireplace. A soft light was glowing on the wall from the decreasing fire. The woman ambled over to me.

"I'm Connie the house mother." She reached out her hand and I shook it. I didn't like shaking adult's hands because they always had clammy skin. Connie was no exception. "Follow me, Bella. I'll show you to my room. Give you some facts about Serenity."

Here, come the rules. Connie picked up one of my bags and walked down a short hallway.

"There are five rooms including mine. I have three girls in the house you make four. You're sharing a room with Lily. I do not allow unsolicted phone calls from friends. You are allowed to use the phone three times a day only to family. The curfew is five o'clock. I posted the meal times and if you're late then you are stuck with cereal. I'm a fair person, Bella but I do have my limitations. You will meet with Dr. Shay tomorrow." She stopped at the end of the hallway.

I gripped the suitcase with my hand and Connie opened the door. I followed her inside and saw a small girl sitting on the twin bed across from me. She had blonde hair and a pale complexion. She looked up from her magazine and nodded.

"Lily this is Bella. Such beautiful names. I'm going to start dinner." Connie left me.

"Hey, you didn't bring a lot of clothes." Lily commented and I saw her staring at my two bags.

I hoisted one on the bed. "I know but I'm only here for a month."

Lily scoffed and closed her magazine. "Yeah, that's what I said, a year ago."

I stopped unpacking and stared at her. "You've been here a year?"

She took out a nail file. "And then some but hey this might be my lucky month." She swiped the file across her nail. I started to breathe unsteadily. I noticed my hands were shaking and I stopped taking the clothes out of my bag.

"Why are you here?" I asked uncertainly. I didn't know the line to cross with Lily. She smiled at me and stood up.

"I know why you're here." Lily moved next to me. "Trouble at home. Parents going through your stuff. They find out something that's a big secret." I freeze and she giggles.

"Yeah, that's pretty close isn't it? Don't worry we all have our fantasies. But mythical creatures wow. You're imaginative."

"What are you talking about?" I lie and continue to unpack.

"Your journal duh. You know if you're boyfriend is a vampire then what does that make you?" Lily stepped up so she was eye-level with me.

I couldn't find the words to speak. I gulped and looked down.

"Why are you here?" I veered the topic and Lily stepped back down.

"Isn't it obvious?" She waited and I looked at her in complete bafflement. "I can read minds of course." She giggled again and I felt like throwing up.


	12. Chapter 12

(12) Situation

I swallowed the sour taste that was rising in my throat. I coughed and looked away out the only window in our room. She couldn't read my mind! That was impossible. Maybe she was tricking me? An attempt to try to get me to reveal the truth about the Cullens. My stomach lurched thinking about them nobody could save me.

"You're funny." I recovered quickly and she was still staring at me with her gray eyes. Her eyes did not flicker when I responded. It was like staring into a cold, empty stone.

"Possibly." She whispered and tugged on her blue sweater. She laughed. "Well, I definitely cannot read minds. Imagine though how convenient it would be if I could? I would leave this place in a heartbeat. So why do you think that guy is a vampire?" She propped herself on her bed and dangled her legs in the air.

"Umm, how did you know that?" I was careful not to say too much when I could endanger her life with what I knew.

"I read your file." She stated matter of factly before she cupped her chin in her hands.

"How did you get my file?" I questioned and was grateful for having Charlie's knack of interrogating a suspect. I was good at treating Lily like a criminal even if she didn't know it. Plus, I was mad at her for knowing anything about me.

"Well, technically I didn't get it. Myra did. She's another girl that lives here. She is a master at breaking and entering almost never gets caught. Except when she got busted for stealing money from her parents. That's why she's here." Lily pursed her lips. "So you didn't answer the question why the fantastical illusion about this guy?"

"I was bored and I have an active imagination. I made it up. My parents threw a fit and still put me in here." I attempted to sound nonchalant but I suspected it sounded lame. Lily studied me for a minute. Her staring was unnerving me.

"That doesn't make sense. It's okay if you don't want to tell me the truth. I'll figure it out eventually." The way she said it made it sound like a challenge. I didn't want her poking around in my personal stuff. I needed to get rid of her suspicions.

"Okay, I'll tell you a secret." I leaned in and her eyes got very round. She leaned forward and hopped from the bed.

"I will not breathe a word of this to anyone." She swore and I saw just how young she really was fourteen maybe fifteen years old. So young to spend her teen years locked in a psych ward.

This was good. If she felt that we shared a bond then I could keep her away from the truth. Now what do I say? "I had a bad relationship. The guy I dated was not good for me. It ended and I didn't take the break-up that well. I guess I wanted to make him a bad guy. I wrote in my private journal and my Dad found it." Lily was staring at me not breathing a word. I mixed reality with a story I remembered from an Oprah show.

"Then what happened? Did he hit you?" Lily breathed and she closed her eyes possibly remembering a painful incident.

"No worse." I paused letting the intensity build. "He promised never to see me again. To destroy our love with his absence and leave me forever." I gulped after I said the last sentence feeling the pain all over again.

"What did you do?" Lily was rigid and her eyes were tearing.

"I let him go." I shrugged my shoulders. "I wrote about my pain but it was taken the wrong way. Of course he's not a vampire. That was my nickname for him because he used to go to bed so late. I would tell him he reminded me of a vampire." I studied Lily to make sure she got the point.

She bit her lip. "I use to call my ex-boyfriend the Hulk because he was so big and had a really bad temper." She bounced back onto her bed. "One night he got so mad at me that he threw me into the wall. I was unconscious for a long time. When I woke up he slapped me for making him so mad." She put her head against the pillow. "Men!"

I paused from putting my jeans in the small white dresser and stared at her. "He hit you?"

"Oh yeah, lots." She smiled up at the ceiling. "Until one day I got so tired of him hitting me that I picked up a fork and stabbed his arm. He was not happy."

I felt my mouth hanging open. "Did he find you?"

"Not yet. I came home and told my parents about what happened and they sent me here. They don't want to deal with me. So they use this place to put me while they go off touring the world." Lily smiled again and I looked at her earnest face. I didn't understand how someone so tiny and young could have experienced the horror she did.

"I'm sorry that happened to you." I put the shirts in the top drawer and shut it.

"No worries. It's six o'clock dinner." Lily hopped from the bed and waited for me at the door. "You can meet the other girls."

I walked to the door and grabbed my jacket. It was chilly in the house and I felt my nerves tingling. I walked down the hallway behind Lily and saw the paintings hanging one by one. Some of the paintings were of a sailboat, meadow, ballerinas, and the ocean. The kitchen was at the back of the house with a wooden table in the center of the room. Two girls waited at the front of the table and Lily motioned for me to sit next to her.

I slid in and sat on the bench. A table setting was in front of me. Connie brought the food to the table and sat at the head. A pot of soup and chicken sandwiches were in front of us.

"Ladies, dig in." Connie gestured at the food and the skinny girl at the end grabbed a sandwich.

I took a sandwich and filled my bowl with soup. Lily put a tiny amount of soup in her bowl.

"Lily?" Connie gave her a disapproving look.

"What?" Lily answered innocently.

"Remember the deal." Connie said.

"Of course. I just forgot." Lily picked up the ladle and put some more soup in her bowl. She broke half a sandwich and put it on her plate.

"Thank you." Connie replied and served herself.

"Hi my name is Myra." The skinny girl at the end of the table said. The thief who stole my file I told myself. She had stringy black hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a jumpsuit with a teddy bear on the front.

I nibbled on the sandwich. "Bella."

"This is Joey." She pointed to the girl sitting beside her who looked like she was nine. The little girl did not speak and mutely ate her dinner. She had light brown hair pulled up into a ponytail and blue eyes. Her shirt had a faded strawberry shortcake and she wore a jean skirt.

"She's shy." Myra laughed and plucked another sandwich from the table.

"How do you eat so much?" Lily commented but her voice had a hint of disgust.

"Jealous?" Myra mocked and shoved the sandwich into her mouth. "Mmm, so delicious."

"You're gross." Lily sighed and put a spoonful of soup into her mouth.

"Myra stop it!" Connie pointed her finger at her and Myra plopped the sandwich back on her plate.

Joey ate her meal in silence and so did I. I liked Joey she reminded me of Angela. I tried to remember to smile at her once in a while. She returned my smile shyly.

After dinner, we cleaned our plates and went back to our rooms. Lily listened to her Ipod and I read my book. Connie poked her head in our room. "Time to go to bed." She closed the door and Lily tossed her Ipod by her bed.

I glanced at the small clock above the door. "We go to bed at nine-thirty?" I asked outraged and Lily shrugged into her pajamas.

"Uh-huh." She took her toothbrush and went to the bathroom.

I changed while she was in the bathroom and waited for my turn to wash up in the restroom. Lily sauntered back into the room. "You don't snore do you?" She put her stuff back into her dresser.

"No, do you?" I walked to the door.

"No." Lily climbed into the bed and fluffed up her pillow. I stared at her plain white bed sheets. I had flowers on mine. I wonder if she brought those in from home? "Don't forget to turn out the light. Roomie, good night." Lily smiled and turned towards the wall.

I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I stared at my reflection and silently told myself it was only for a month. I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair. It was knotted so I finger combed the strands.

I turned out the lights in the room and got into bed. Lily was breathing deeply and I tried to close my eyes. My eyes were heavy and eventually I drifted off to sleep. Edward appeared in my dream. The meadow was gone and the dream shifted. Edward was sitting across from me at school and I studied his face. The beautiful angles of his features and the tiny curve of his nose I traced with my finger. He was perfect better than I remembered him. I felt the cold texture of his skin so lifelike that I curled my fingers into his cheekbone. He smiled with his honey eyes and brought my fingers to his mouth. He kissed my knuckles and put his cheek against mine. The hand I was clutching suddenly turned to ash and Edward was gone. A flame of red hair replaced Edward's face and a massively strong hand wrapped around my throat. She stared at me with her ruby eyes and snarled.

The scream woke me up. Lily was sitting up in her bed staring at me. Her eyes were wide with terror and she was shivering.

She wrapped her arms around her body and shook her head. "Who's Victoria? Why are you so scared, Bella?" Her eyes probed mine and I struggled to find the right words to explain.


	13. Chapter 13

(13) Unlucky

I was literally saved by Connie. I could have hugged her but that somehow seemed inappropriate. Connie barged in with her tattered nightgown and huge Louisville slugger ready to maim an intruder. Her eyes were wildly searching the room with Joey and Myra tagging behind.

Connie held up the bat and ran to the window. "Was someone trying to break in? That hasn't happened since I installed the security system but sometimes we get drifters."

Myra sat on the edge of my bed and Joey sat next to Lily. "Umm, no actually Bella just had a bad dream. She scared the bejeezus out of me." Lily smirked and Myra stared at me. She was making me uncomfortable with her steely eye contact. Joey brought her knees up to her chin and studied me.

Connie heaved a huge sigh of relief. "Well thank heavens that you're okay dear." She double checked the latches on the window and shook her head. "Would you feel more comfortable if you stayed with me tonight. I have a twin bed in my room." I knew Connie was trying to offer me some safe haven but I cringed at the thought of sleeping next to her.

"No I'll be alright. It's just something that reoccurs in my dreams. Honestly I'll be fine." I said earnestly hoping Connie got the message. I did not need her to accidentally swing her bat at me for screaming. That would be bad.

"Okay Bella. Goodnight girls." Connie motioned for Joey and Myra to follow her. The door shut solidly behind them rattling the daisy calendar hanging on the back.

"Okay let's chat." Lily gestured at me and curled her legs up on her bed. She had a resolved look on her face and I looked away.

"About what?" I asked stupidly.

"Umm, you had a horrifically bad dream. You know you talk in your sleep don't ya? I want to know what's going on?" Lily pursed her lips and waved her magenta nails in front of her face. "Of course, I can mention this to Connie tomorrow or Dr. Faye."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay, if that's how you want to play the game." Lily scrambled off her bed and hurried to the door.

"Wait." I called at her and she turned to me with a pleased look on her face. "Tomorrow I'll explain everything."

"That's better." Lily smugly walked back to her bed and climbed in the covers. "Goodnight Bella." She said cheerily and huddled into her blankets.

I didn't sleep at all.

I gnawed on my fingernails slowly decimating the skin. It was morning and I took a shower before Lily got up. I walked to the living room and plopped on the couch with my collection of poems. The bay window provided an excellent view of the courtyard. A huge oak tree blocked my view of the ocean. I went back to reading the poems when I heard the floor creak. I stiffened until I saw Joey's slight frame sit on the sofa chair.

I smiled at her and she grinned at me. She was tugging a big book with her. I squinted to read the title of her book, The origin of life. Hmm, Joey didn't strike me as the philosophical type. I went back to my poems and she read her book. We sat quietly for a while not speaking enjoying the quiet. Connie started making breakfast.

I thumbed through the next few poems and put the book on the end table. I got up and stretched and saw Lily ambling down the hallway. She looked at me and her features livened. I went to the table and Lily sat beside me.

Connie brought the food to the table and Joey slid onto the bench directly in front of me.

"Okay let's eat." Connie served herself some orange juice and Joey got oatmeal. I took a couple of pieces of toast. Lily served herself the bare minimum under Connie's watchful eyes. We ate in silence and I wondered where Myra was?

After breakfast Joey disappeared and Lily announced to Connie that we were taking a walk outside. She was so eager to hear gossip. I hope she wasn't going to be disappointed when I told her it was all made up. I shrugged my jacket on and wrapped a scarf around my neck. Lily came back with a pair of boots over her jeans and a flannel jacket.

She led me to an enormous backyard with a tire swing hanging from a tree. There were a couple of benches perched near the tree and a small fireplace set up behind the porch. We walked to the benches and sat opposite one another. It was freezing outside and I could hear the ocean waves crashing against the shore. I shivered and dug my hands deep into my pockets.

"Where was Myra?" I decided to start the conversation.

"She never eats breakfast. She usually wakes up at noon or sometimes she sleeps till night." Lily's cheeks were turning red from the wind.

"Oh." I replied and tried to close the gaps on my pockets to keep the coldness out.

"You do know that you talk in your sleep." Lily gazed at me and she licked her chapped lips.

"Yeah, I've been told." I tried not to remember who had told me that. I pushed that memory into the recesses of my mind.

"I want answers. Or I'm going to tell on you." Lily responded and I tried not to laugh at her childish threats.

"Go ahead. I'll just say you made it up. Who do you think they're going to believe? I had a bad dream and if you don't accept that explanation then that's your problem." I muttered and gave up trying to defend myself.

If we continued to be bunkmates then she was going to hear more information than I cared to tell her. I did not want for her to threaten me every single time.

Lily pouted for a couple of minutes and I studied the leaves on the ground. Everything was green even in the dead of winter. Purple, gold, and magenta leaves sprawled the grass and some were raked into huge piles near the fence. This place would not be difficult to escape if I had somewhere to go.

The leaves crunched and I saw Joey trailing Myra. Myra stopped when she reached us and stood with her hands on her hips. She was wearing black leggings and a white shirt. She had a long trench coat opened. Joey tugged on her bright pink parka and shoved her gloved hands into the pocket of her jeans. She had a pink and white ski cap with a tassel at the end.

"What's going on? You're not out here telling secrets are you?" Myra kidded without knowing how close to the truth she really was.

"Hey, I forgot to ask you. What did Connie mean when she said you had a deal at dinner last night?" I looked at Lily who had a blank look on her face. I wanted to ask that question last night but it slipped my mind.

Myra snorted and Joey glanced down. Lily did not respond and I had a feeling that I brought up a difficult subject for her.

"Oh let me tell it." Myra was giddy with anticipation. "Lily is among other things anorexic. She doesn't eat. Connie made some stupid deal with her that if she ate two times a day then she would tell her parents what a good girl she is. Then her parents might want to take her home. Yeah right."

"I am not anorexic." Lily stated but her voice was unconvincing.

"Okay, if you're not anorexic then I'm not psychotic." Myra goaded and Lily shook her head.

"I have a sensitive stomach so a lot of food gets my stomach upset. I have ulcers." Lily murmured.

Myra shook her head. "Of course, you do. See Bella she's not that sick. Here's the 411 on us. I'm borderline psychotic, Lily's manic-depressive with an eating disorder, and Joey is super intelligent with associative disorder. And what are you?"

I think I forgot to breathe.

"Is that why you don't talk?" I motioned to Joey and she nodded.

"I have a difficult time establishing connections with my peers." Joey whispered.

"Because she's a freak." Myra suggested. "It's okay I don't like anyone enough to have as a friend."

"That's just a defense mechanism." Joey explained and Myra gave her a sinister look.

"Shut up." Myra turned to Joey and was staring her down.

"Bella, you have a visitor." Connie yelled and I shot up. I walked away quickly and turned back to see their curious faces.


	14. Chapter 14

(14) Smile

Connie smiled as I came up the stairs of the back porch. "My, my aren't we popular it's only your first day and you have a visitor. A handsome fellow at that." Connie hinted and held the back door open for me. I had a forced smile on my face and I made my way through the house. A part of my heart lifted with false hope. He couldn't be here?

I rounded the corner making sure to avoid colliding with the coffee table. A huge smile broke out on my face.

Jacob.

He was standing by the door. His long hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail wearing jeans and a gray shirt with a light windbreaker. He saw me walking towards him and smiled.

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him. "What are you doing here?" I looked up at him.

"Visiting you, duh. How's your back?" Jacob eyed me carefully gently taking his arms away from me and I shrugged.

"It's fine." I was impressed he remembered. I was still on painkillers but the worst of the pain subsided. I stared at him and he winked at me.

"So how are you? Really." Jacob moved away from the door proceeding to the couch and I stopped him.

"Actually do you want to go for a walk?" I asked cautiously. I glanced around the living room and Connie appeared in the background. She nodded her head and I took Jacob by the arm.

"Okay." He said skeptically. He let me lead him down the stairs up the sidewalk towards the tree-lined path. The ocean breeze blew on our faces as we strolled our way to the benches.

"How did you find me?" I asked and sat on the bench. He followed my lead and sat across. He stared into the trees for a minute.

"Mapquest. How is this place?" Jacob said softly. He brought his leg up and crossed it to get more comfortable on the stiff bench. I saw Myra in the background giving me a thumbs up and making kissing faces. I rolled my eyes and put my hand behind Jacob to swat her away. She gave me a thumbs down and left.

"Wonderful. I feel like a specimen about to be dissected by the doctors. You didn't have to come all this way, you know." The sarcasm deep in my tone.

"Yes I did. I promised I would visit you." Jacob leaned closer to me. "If you want to leave just say the word."

I looked at him for a second to see if he was kidding but his dark eyes were serious. I took a deep breath.

"I might take you up on that offer." I joked but looked away regardless. I wanted Jacob to understand that I might have to stay here for a while. "I can't leave Jake. There's nowhere for me to go."

"You can stay with me and Billy. I know were not that great company but it sure beats the crazy house." He instantly regretted saying that. "Sorry Bella, I just want you to be happy."

"You being here with me is making me happy. I have no right to ask for anything more." I shrugged my shoulders and felt pathetic the minute the words escaped my lips. I'm sure that's what Jacob was dying to do every Saturday visit the "crazy" girl.

"I'll try to come see you everyday." Jacob promised. He brushed his hand on my shoulder.

"You don't have to do that. I would feel terrible if I kept you from doing your homework or something." I replied.

Jacob laughed and slapped his knees. "Yeah, you're totally the reason for me not doing my homework. That's great. I'll have to tell Billy that when I get home." He paused. "You're my friend Bella. I would do the same for any other friend."

"Thanks Jacob. I'm glad you're my friend. Even though I still think your nuts. This is a long drive. Trust me I won't be offended if you decide to stay home once in a while." I reasoned and his eyes changed. The joy disappeared and he hung his head.

"If you don't want me to come then just say it. I don't want a pity friend." Jacob kept his head down. I gulped and hurried to fix my statement. Of course, I wanted Jacob to come visit me but I had no right to keep him away from home or his friends.

I settled for the semi truth. "I just don't want you to exert all your energy on me that's all." I studied my nails. "I wouldn't feel so bad about you coming down here if we had a purpose. Something that made it worth you driving fifty miles out to Pacific Beach."

"It's forty-eight miles actually. Hmm." He thought for a minute. "We could do our homework together or you could tutor me."

I stared at him. "How about something less intellectual."

"Okay. Tomorrow I'll bring something we can do. Promise." Jacob leaned in. He put his head against his hand. "Your warden is back. I think it's time for me to go." He stood and stared at the house.

I looked back and saw Connie standing on the front porch. Myra and Lily watched from the bay window in the living room. Gee, now I had an audience watching me.

Jacob gave me a quick hug and waved to my spectators. He shook his head in amusement and walked to the truck. I watched him go and felt my heart sink in my chest. My chest tightened automatically and I scolded myself to get use to it. When Jacob did come back things would get better. I would feel better.

I trudged to the house feeling like a prisoner. Jacob wasn't far off when he called Connie my "warden" all that was missing was a chain link fence and handcuffs.

Trapped was the word that bounced in my head.

Connie went back in and Myra leaned against the couch with her elbows resting on the ledge.

"He's hot." Myra exclaimed. "He's from the Indian reservation isn't he?" She stared at me and I nodded.

"I knew it. Those boys are really fun." She winked at Lily who rolled her eyes.

"I've seen hotter." Lily snapped and sat on the couch propping her feet on the coffee table.

"Oh yeah, who is hotter than him." Myra challenged and I took the opportunity to sit on the recliner by the fireplace.

"Umm, so many people that I've dated." Lily began.

"Yeah, well the ones in your head don't count. Please your just _jealous_." Myra teased.

"I had way hotter boyfriends. One guy was a model for catalogues." Lily replied and turned the magazine pages with rage.

"What was his name?" Myra countered.

Joey walked in and looked at the two bickering girls. She sat across from me lying on her stomach to read her novel.

"His name was Mark." Lily retorted.

"Mark what?" Myra disputed.

"Go away." Lily sneered. She turned away from Myra and started reading her magazine.

"You know what I think, Lily." Myra rose from her spot on the couch and leaned down next to Lily. "I think you're full of crap. You are so pathetic that you have to make up a pretend boyfriend to make yourself feel better. I feel sorry for you." Myra snickered and walked down the hallway.

Lily swallowed anger and rose from the couch. "I'll be in my room." She mumbled and took the magazine with her.

I watched her walk away. I raised my eyebrows and stared at the fire for a long time. I forgot Joey was lying on the floor by my feet.

Connie walked up to me. "Dr. Shay is ready to see you." Ugh. I forgot about Dr. Shay. I did not feel like explaining my journal to anyone least of all a doctor. Run away.


	15. Chapter 15

(16) Intrigue

Dr. Shay is not what I expected at all. I thought she would have been older and frumpy. She is surprisingly young. She has curly auburn hair twisted into a fashionable clip and couldn't be older than thirty. She smiled as I entered the room and set her coffee mug on her desk. Tons of papers scattered her desktop while a flat screen computer monitor perched near the edge of her desk.

I plopped into the chair opposite her desk and took a deep breath. She had a poster behind her that read, "Expectation is the root of all heartache." Written in bold swirly font laid on top of a blue background. William Shakespeare? I stared at the quote for a while until Dr. Shay cleared her throat. That brought my attention to her again.

"How are you, Bella?" She leaned forward and I noticed the tiny wrinkles around her eyes. It wasn't age defying simply endearing.

"Okay, I guess." I chose my words carefully in case Dr. Shay decided to keep me in this place for the rest of my young adult life.

"Do you like Serenity?" She asked calmly and brought out a pad of paper from a desk drawer. The steno pad was worn and had a few pages left to write on.

"Sure." I wanted to keep my answers one or two worded. My goal was to be evasive so I wouldn't give away too much information like an idiot.

"Hmm. Okay you are a Senior in High School?" Dr. Shay smiled again.

"Yes." I agreed even though it was a rhetorical question. She had my file including my school information.

"My son is a Junior right now." She shared a private piece of information with me. I looked up and wondered how her son was so old when she looked so young. Curiosity won.

"I didn't think you had children old enough to be in High School." I murmured and stared at the doggy clock with a mechanical tail.

"Oh heavens I am flattered. I have two kids. Evan is a Junior and Scott is a Freshman."

"Oh." I said lamely and peered at the time. Five minutes that's it. "Do they go to Forks?"

"No, they go to Easterly near Tacoma." She admitted and gave me a heart-warming smile. Easterly was two hours from Forks she must drive far to come here. I noted her far traveling and she tapped her pencil on the notepad.

"Okay." I shrugged and pulled my jacket close around me.

"Bella, do you like school?" She peered at me waiting for my response.

"Sometimes." I gestured with my hand. "It's a hard semester to get through. Tough classes." And the reason for my existence is gone forever. But I couldn't say that not to her.

"That's too bad." She smiled again. She shifted in her chair and opened my folder. It was pathetically small since I was not a troublemaker or bounced around to different schools.

"Bella, you are an exceptional student. It appears your grades have changed drastically from the beginning of this past year. Any reason for that?"

"Look, I know you have my journal. I don't feel like talking about my school right now." Not now or ever. I leveled my gaze at her and wanted her to bring up my journal. I didn't like dancing around the subject.

"Okay." She brought out the pretty blue journal I bought at the shop. It looked so normal and girly who would ever guess I filled it with my grief. She opened the journal and stopped at a page.

"It's not what you think." I explained before she asked me a question. That caused Dr. Shay to raise her hazel eyes at me.

"What is it then? You tell me." She waited for my answer and held the journal open to the page. I bit my lip and studied the background. Why did I have to go through this? Would she even believe me if I told her the truth?

Take a deep breath, "I write in my journal to help me deal with my emotions."

Dr. Shay nodded at me.

"It's comforting and I feel better after I write. Everyone knows that what you write in your journal is the half-truth." I attempted to explain my stupid reference to Edward as a vampire but Dr. Shay was quietly studying me.

"How long ago did he leave?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Umm, a few months ago. Honestly I don't remember." I lied. I remembered everything about that day the way he looked, the clothes he wore, and his words that tore my life apart.

"Hmm." Dr. Shay drummed her polished fingernail on the desk.

"Are we done?" I looked quickly at the clock. It was fifteen minutes past the hour.

"For today." Dr. Shay put my journal back in her desk and I scrambled to get out of her office.

I bumped into Myra in the hallway. She was sashaying towards the office and she smirked.

"How was Dr. Shay?" She led me towards the living room. We were alone and I sat in the recliner next to the fireplace. It became my favorite place to sit since nobody could sit next to me. I shrugged my shoulders and grabbed the nearest magazine. Seventeen? Great I didn't want to get stuck reading it the whole afternoon.

"Was that your boyfriend who came today?" Myra leaned over the couch and I could see her dark eyes waiting for my answer. I ignored her and flipped the pages stopping at an article about humorous pranks.

"The hot guy. Wow is all I gotta say. If he's not with you do you mind if I talk to him?" Myra smiled widely and peered at me. Her black fingernails propped under her chin.

"What?" I looked up disgusted. I didn't like Jacob like that but Myra was not his type. "He's not interested in girls." Meaning you I inserted into my brain.

"Why is he gay?"

"No." I said too quickly and regretted it. Myra's eyes narrowed and she pursed her red lips.

"Then why wouldn't he like me?"

"Because he's not dating." I lied and focused on the prankster story about a girl who spread Nair on her boyfriend's chest while he was sleeping.

"How do you know?"

"Myra, he's my friend. Please, don't it will be weird." I leveled my gaze at her. "Jake's my friend and I won't let him be manipulated."

"I'm not going to manipulate him. I just wanted to talk to him. It's so boring here I need a male's attention." Myra stretched her back bringing her hands over her head. For an instant I wanted to flip her over the couch and wipe that smug smile off her face.

"That's not a good idea." I revealed and closed the magazine. I'd rather be in my room than listen to her speaking. I got up and Myra swung her legs in front of me blocking my way back to my room.

"I just wanted to say. I'm not asking your permission to speak to him. Now that I know it bothers you I'll make sure to give my undivided attention to Jacob. It's too bad because men can't resist my charm." Myra held her feet in front of me. I stared ahead and felt her eyes burning with defiance.

"Do whatever you want." I quipped and walked through her feet. She leaned forward when her feet fell to the side.

"Bella, you're going to be sorry you did that. You hear me! I'm going to make you're life a living hell while you're here. I'm looking forward to it." Myra blurted and brought her hands behind her head.

I turned around and stared at her. Really? All this over Jacob? I saw the delight dancing in her eyes and I continued to my room.


	16. Chapter 16

(17) Diversion

I straightened my collar in the mirror barely glancing at my face reflected with worry. I bit my lip and shrugged my brown sweater over the pink blouse. Lily my roommate left early this morning to go for a run. Her bed was disheveled and a large towel lay across the foot of her bed.

Supposedly Jacob was going to visit me today. Is that why I fretted over my appearance? I shook my head trying to erase Myra's threatening words. She wanted Jacob and I wasn't sure how I felt about that?

Would I compete with her? She would like that being more than delighted to get her way. I clutched my book and walked to the living room. Joey was already they're looking at a Nickelodeon magazine while Connie started our breakfast. Myra wasn't here. Whew. I could get in a few chapters of reading.

I was starting my second chapter when I hear heels clicking down the hall. I looked up and saw Myra. She had taken extra time dressing this morning. Gone were her usual leggings and stretchy T-shirts. She was wearing a tan leather jacket and camisole underneath. Her jeans were tucked inside her stiletto boots that reached her knees.

She sauntered past me before looking down at my outfit. She snickered and sat on the couch next to me. She crossed her legs and waved her heels back and forth impatiently. Lily came in from her run stretching her arms overhead. She paused and gawked at Myra's outfit.

"I thought you lost my jacket?" Lily stared at the creamy tan jacket.

"It was in the back of my closet. I'll have it dry cleaned and back to you tomorrow. Okay?" Myra negotiated.

"You better. It's the least you can do." She crossed in front of us and took a bottle of Dasani from the fridge. "Why are you so dressed up?" She chugged the water.

"Just one of those days. You know? I wanted to look my best because you never know who might come by." Myra purred and laughed. She brushed a few dark strands of hair out of her eyes.

"Whatever. Don't forget to put the jacket back in my closet." Lily said and spun around. She jogged to our room.

"Lily breakfast is almost done." Connie yelled after her.

"Bella what's wrong?" Myra asked innocently.

"Nothing." I muttered and stared at my book. The words didn't make sense and I felt ridiculous. My dumb blouse seemed too immature.

We all ate in silence while Connie chattered about the beautiful weather. Nobody said much eating bacon and eggs quietly. I went for a walk after breakfast, alone. A strong breeze drifted from the ocean making me shiver. I wrapped my jacket closer to my chest. Beautiful day? Was she crazy?

I got more and more angry thinking about Myra's childish games. I started kicking rocks across the uneven sand. The seashells protruded from the sand gleaming in the sunlight. I picked up a few shells gripping them too tightly.

I walked through the gate into the backyard avoiding the benches lined up by the walkway. Myra was painting her nails sitting cross-legged on the bench. She was fanning her nails back and forth. The black nail polish seemed fitting.

"I'm looking forward to seeing Jacob. You don't mind sharing? Do you?" Her snaky smile consumed her whole face.

I was not good at confrontations. "He's not coming." I blurted out and winced at my pathetic attempt of lying.

"Yeah right. He's like your little lap dog. He'll be here."

"He said he couldn't make it. A school project came up and he can't get out of it." Please don't let lightening strike me dead.

"Hmm. You wouldn't be lying to me?"

"No." I said crossing my toes.

"We'll see." Myra closed the nail polish and stood up. "Whatever."

Myra walked away then turned and gave me a second look her eyes looking like daggers…

I watched TV with Joey. We were watching some show about pregnant teenagers. I mostly watched the wall and occasionally glanced outside from time to time. Myra gave up on her flirty outfit joining us in her pink leggings and No Doubt concert T-shirt. She sat on the floor Indian style.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't waiting for Jacob to come and visit. The hour flew by and no headlights came up the driveway. Joey left the room to read her new book she got in her care package. It was a mystery novel. Lily wandered in and sat for a couple of minutes then got on the floor to do sit-ups. Connie was in the laundry room so Lily couldn't get yelled at for doing exercise.

Myra checked her reflection in the mirror and batted her eyelashes.

"I guess you were right Bella. Jacob isn't coming." She paused and pulled her ponytail tighter. "Hmm, I suppose you were right."

Lily stopped doing sit-ups and huffed. "Right about what?"

"I stupidly thought Jacob worshipped Bella but I guess not." Myra smiled again and sipped her soda.

"Oh." Lily gave me a pitying look and resumed her sit-ups. She was on fifty when Connie walked into the room.

"What are you doing?" Connie shrieked.

"I was stretching." Lily lied.

"Lily you're not suppose to be doing exercises after six. You know the rules." Connie shook her finger. I looked up in alarm at the small clock above the fireplace. Six? It would be way too late for Jacob to come now. I closed my book and got up from the couch.

"Don't worry Bella. Maybe he'll come tomorrow." Myra yelled after me.

I turned and stared at her. I wanted to give her a snappy remark something Jessica-worthy but nothing came to mind. I opened my mouth and drew in a breath.

"You're so evil." Lily sputtered to Myra and got up from the floor. "Try to balance your meds, please."

Myra made a dirty face at her and flipped the channel. I heard some theme song fill the room.

Lily walked behind me back to the room. She was bouncing and jumped onto her bed.

"You should really stick up for yourself." Lily narrowed her eyes. "She'll only get worse. You being silent is only provoking her."

I took off my sweater and blouse. I put a blue sweatshirt on and sat at the edge of my bed. "I don't know what to say to her?"

"Oh that's easy just tell her she's an evil whore-bag and you're not scared of her." Lily replied and grabbed her I pod off the dresser.

"Will that work?" I asked quizzically.

"It did for me. Although she did make fun of me for a month when I wore a Elmo t-shirt."

"That's not helping." I complained and stretched out on my bed.

"So you're friend that came the other day is that who she's talking about?" Lily asked and turned on the I pod.

"Yeah, Jacob."

"She honestly thinks he would like her. She's so delusional." Lily blurted out.

"I don't know Jacob's type." I explained which was even more frustrating. Maybe Myra was his type.

"Umm, I don't think psycho is his type." Lily rolled over to her side. "You know what I just got a great idea."

"What?"

"We are going to get back at Myra. Do a little practical joke on her. Are you game?" Lily had a suspicious gleam in her eyes.

"Is it bad?" I hesitated.

"Oh, it's phenomenally horrible. She'll be pissed." Lily laughed and composed herself. "I'm so excited."

"What are you going to do?" I asked having no clue what was on her mind. Knowing Lily a little bit I didn't have to try hard to guess.


	17. Chapter 17

(18) Plot

Lily's eyes danced mischievously while her mouth watered at the thought of payback. It had to be rough on Lily being abandoned in the home not knowing when your family is coming to get you. If they even cared enough to come back for you. Charlie and Renee would never do that. Would they?

"Okay, we're going to need to plan this down to the very last detail." Lily nodded her head and waited for my agreement.

"We're not going to hurt her?" I thought I saw a flare of disappointment in Lily's face.

"No only her ego. But if she gets emotionally undone then that's just a risk I'm willing to take." Lily scoffed.

I leaned back on my bed putting my legs in front of me. The comforter felt prickly and uncomfortable. I tried to smooth the sides of the bed that had rumpled.

"Why do you hate her so much?" I asked suddenly.

Maybe Myra treated Lily the same way she was treating me? Lily shook her head back and forth.

"She's horrible. She's just a horrible person. She's mean! Bella. Meaner than a snake." Lily panted. She was breathing heavily. "She made me think I was going crazy. She uses to switch my stuff and steal my clothes all the time. Remember the leather jacket she was wearing. She didn't even ask if she could borrow it. Totally rude."

"That's not good." I muttered getting more freaked of Myra by the second.

"There was another girl that used to come here. Her name was Courtney. She and Myra became besties. Weird I know. They decided to gang up against me and make my life hell. Then one day out of nowhere Myra turned against Courtney. She just snapped and said really horrible things to her. Beyond horrible." Lily shuddered.

"She got Courtney upset and Connie had to drug her to stop her screaming. I won't even tell you all the cruel things she told her. It was enough to rattle Courtney and the next day she was gone. No explanation. So that's why Myra sucks." Lily hopped off her bed and went to her dresser.

"She won't fall for it." I attempted to stop Lily before she got carried away.

"Yeah, she will. You know why because she's stupid. I mean she's crazy and horrifying but she's dumb." Lily opened the dresser drawer and pulled out a pad of paper.

"I don't want to do this." I started to get a queasy feeling in my stomach.

"Okay. Let's not do anything and you can wind up like Courtney. One morning Courtney woke up and found all her hair lying beside her in bed. _Her hair was tied with a pink ribbon_. **Let's just wait till that happens**." Lily leaned in to make her point. "She's heartless and the sooner you realize that the better off you are."

Lily sat across from me on my bed and opened the pad of paper. She wrote at the top of the paper. Plan.

"Let's brainstorm." Lily chewed on her pencil.

"She cut off her hair." I couldn't get that disturbing image out of my head. Lily waking up clueless that Myra had took a huge chunk of hair off her head. It was heartless. I cringed thinking it could be me in the same situation if we didn't take care of Myra.

"Like I said mean." Lily scrambled for her clip and pushed her hair off her face.

"We could prank call her." I fumbled for a good revenge scheme and came up with a lame idea.

"Yeah, we could order five pizzas for her. She would probably eat all of them and smile while she did it." Lily snorted. "That's too amateur. You're in the big leagues now."

"We should shave off her eyebrows." Lily laughed and clapped. "I love it."

"That's not good enough. They'll grow back." I said shrugging my shoulders. "If we're going to mess with her it has to be epic." I was pretty good at scheming.

"I like it." Lily laughed. "See I knew you had potential." She waved her pink hello kitty pencil in my direction.

"A love letter." I blurted and waited for Lily to dismiss my idea as too babyish.

Lily rolled her eyes but stopped waving her pencil.

"From a secret admirer." She gasped and held her fist to her chest. "A love letter written by your friend only he's anonymous."

"You mean Jacob." I stated just to make sure she wasn't talking about Mike. But then again Lily never went to Forks High School.

"Yesss. The hot Indian guy who visited you."

"He'll never do it." I shrugged in denial.

"He won't even know. Myra will think he's writing professing his undying love to her." Lily snorted and grabbed the steno pad.

"Who's going to write it?" I asked.

"Me." Lily contemplated. "Shoot, she knows my writing it's going to have to be you." She threw the pad on the bed. "But don't write too girly or she's going to know it's one of us."

"I don't think I can do it." I argued biting my lip.

"I can do it." A voice piped from the open door. Joey bobbed inside and shut the door quietly.

"You little sneak!" Lily shrieked and threw her pillow at Joey.

Joey dogged the pillow and dropped herself to the floor. She hugged her knees and wrapped her arms around them.

"Why not?" Joey asked looking at Lily.

"You'll tell her." Lily complained. "We can't trust you."

"I don't like Myra." Joey whispered. "I won't breathe a word of this to her." Her brown eyes burned into both of us with a fierce intensity.

"Okay then welcome to the team." Lily bopped on the floor next to Joey and gave her the pencil. "Let's get started."

"She might recognize Joey's handwriting." I grasped for anything that would delay this plan. It was happening a little too fast.

"Not a problem." Joey looked up from the piece of paper. "I use to forge my dad's signature on permission slips all the time." She scribbled a word on the paper. "See."

"Not bad." Lily said impressed that Joey's handwriting resembled an adolescent boy.

"Dear, Myra." Joey began. Lily scoffed.

"Not dear Myra, what are we in the 1950's. Put Yo, Myra." Lily reasoned.

"Umm, he's not a rapper." I murmured. "What about just writing Myra at the top?"

"Okay," Joey wrote out the name. "Now what?"

….

"We are fabulous." Lily bragged and shoved the letter into the envelope. She licked it shut and gently pulled the flap closed.

"Not bad if I do say so myself." Joey crossed her arms and leaned against the dresser.

"How does she get it?" I asked fidgeting. This whole lying business was very easy for Joey and Lily. It made me a nervous wreck.

"Mail?" Joey looked at both of us.

"It would be more romantic if it was delivered to her window." Lily smiled widely.

"He doesn't know which window is hers. Unless he's stalking her and that's just creepy. She might burn the letter before she reads it." Joey swiped the envelope from Lily.

"When is Jack coming back?" Lily turned to me.

"Jacob? I don't know. He said he would visit soon." I shrugged and Lily nodded with me.

"I'll give it to her tomorrow. I'm going into town to buy a few things. I'll tell Myra that I bumped into your friend and he gave me the note." Lily tried to grab the letter from Joey.

"Wait. Bella will give it to her. It makes more sense that she sees her friend." Lily handed the envelope to me. I gulped and took the envelope. I didn't want to give it to Myra. How was I going to give it to her? Great, I wasn't getting any sleep tonight.

_How am I going to do this?_


	18. Chapter 18

(19) Pretender

I rubbed my eyes for a few minutes trying to recover from my sleepless night. Lily was lightly snoring on her bed and I glared at her. She could get all the rest she wanted since she wasn't going to give a letter to the devil herself.

I lay awake for a few minutes or hours I couldn't decide which when the sunlight poured through the window. The birds sang happily outside my window and the sky was covered in bubbly white clouds.

I threw my feet over the bed and summoned the courage deep within me. I tucked the note safely into my purse and went to wash-up.

Don't be a wimp, Bella. My mind tried to encourage me but I refused to believe. Deep breaths and everything will be over soon. In and out see that's easy. The loud banging burst my calmness. I opened the door and Myra stood on the other stood with her hands on her hips.

"Finally." She shoved past me and I stumbled out. She slammed the door and I heard the water run.

Okay, she was making it a little easier to deceive her. I walked back into the room and put my toiletries away. Lily rolled over and popped her eyes open.

"Good, you're up." She sat up and stretched. "Ready for the big day."

"Don't." I warned and pulled my shirt on. I got dressed pretty fast and made it out of the house without having to bump into Myra. I pulled my purse close to me and considered throwing the letter in the trash bin. It wouldn't help because Joey and Lily would just write another one. Joey had a photographic memory.

I walked into the tiny coastal village. It was still early and I noticed one or two people walking around. Other than that I was alone. I walked slowly studying the private owned shops. A small toyshop got my attention and I went to the display window. The sign said open so I went in.

A cute jingle played when the door opened. I noticed the curtains part and a young woman stepped forward.

"Hi, can I help you?" She was rubbing her hands on her apron. I have never seen anyone wear an apron. It caught me off guard. It was like a real version of I Love Lucy.

"I'm just looking." I murmured. The woman nodded and smiled warmly.

"Let me know if I can get you anything. My name's Renee." The woman grinned.

I stood with my mouth hanging open.

"Is something wrong?" The woman walked up to me and put her hands in front of my face waving them. "You look sick."

"I'm okay." I recovered quickly and looked down. "My mom's name is Renee." I admitted and the woman smiled again.

"Well your Grandma has great taste in names." The woman laughed. "Let me know if I can help you." She walked back to the counter and took a screwdriver from the drawer.

Was that a coincidence that this woman had the same name as my mom? It was utterly weird. I walked down the aisles and saw a small doll perched next to a jewelry box. The jewelry box had a small engraved flowers and was painted light purple. I picked it up and opened the box. The music filled my brain bringing back memories. The song was the same song Renee sang me to sleep with.

"Where did you get this?" I asked the woman. She smiled and hopped off her stool.

"Most of the stuff in here is donated or I buy from a seller. I got this jewelry box a long time ago. It has a name engraved on the bottom. She turned it over and I saw my name. I gulped and tears filled my eyes.

"What's wrong honey?" The woman touched my shoulder.

"It's me. I'm Isabella Marie Swan." I sounded crazy and the woman nodded in recognition.

"Then you should have it." She wrapped my hands around the jewelry box. "It's yours."

"No, I will pay for it." I went to get my wallet.

"Don't bother sweetie I'm not going to take money for a item that belonged to you." She looked me in the eyes. "Please, take it. I insist."

"Okay." I agreed and she wrapped the box in tissue paper. She placed it in a brown bag and I left thanking her again. She waved me away and I walked back to the house.

Joey was in the kitchen helping Connie with lunch. Water was boiling and Joey was cutting vegetables. She gave me a quick nod and I nodded back. Lily was lying across the couch cushions reading a magazine. She moved the page aside and gave me a nod.

I felt like I was in a spy movie. Connie reminded me that lunch would be ready soon.

"How was town?" Lily said a little too loud. She forced herself to chuckle, which sounded awkward.

"Fine." I mumbled and Lily gave me a thumbs-up.

Lily pointed to the hallway and mouthed Myra. I swallowed a huge wave of fear and thought of my jewelry box. I wanted to lie in bed listening to the music while I closed my eyes and dreamed of you know who.

I lightly knocked on Myra's door. She didn't respond. I knocked again.

"What?" I heard her yell. I took the letter out of my purse. Then put it back. I wanted her to see me take it out of the purse.

"It's me, Bella." I croaked and scolded myself.

"Ugh." I heard her utter. The door whipped open. She was wearing a bandanna over her hair and one eye was rimmed in eyeliner. "What do you want?"

I dug into my purse and took the incriminating envelope out. "I wanted to give this to you. I saw Jacob in town and he asked me to give this to you." I held out the envelope.

I looked down as Myra's eyes widened. She looked confused whether to smile or grimace.

"Why didn't he come back with you?" Myra questioned staring at the letter. She bit her lip and curled her fingers. She wanted it badly.

"He had to go back to La Push and help his Dad." I made up and Myra nodded.

"This is for me?" Myra asked unsure of my affirmation.

"Yes." I wanted her to take the letter so I could go back to my room.

"That was a stupid question, of course it's for me. Like anybody in this house could hold his attention." She swiped the letter and slammed the door. I held my head back so I wouldn't get hit by the door shutting. I held my bag tightly and went to my room. Right about now Myra is reading the fabricated letter that will lead her to believe that Jacob has a huge crush on her. I just hoped he wouldn't visit me anytime soon.

Lily opened the door and crept in. She closed the door slowly.

"Did she take it?" Lily asked quietly flopping onto her bed.

I nodded and took my jewelry box out of the bag.

"That's pretty. Where did you get it?" Lily eyed the box.

"Umm, in town." I left out the store and woman who gave me the jewelry box. The less they knew about the box the better it would be for me. I didn't want anyone to take it because they knew it was so precious to me.

"I'm so frustrated. I want to see Myra's pointy little face as she reads the letter and watch hope consume her. I wish she was in the living room." Lily laid back and stared at the ceiling.

"Do you think she'll know?" I asked with a queasy feeling.

"We'll see." Lily said. I heard Connie's voice calling me to dinner. "If I know Myra she'll be clutching that letter in her hands if she thinks it's true."

I walked behind Lily and sat at the table. Joey served vegetables and Connie put a lump of mashed potatoes on each of our plates. Myra sashayed down the hallway. She wore a scarf as a headband and both her eyes were rimmed in black eyeliner. I glanced at her hand and saw the letter dangling by her side. She sat next to Joey across from me.

She carefully put the letter on the table away from her plate but in plain view of us.

"What's that?" Joey asked.

"Is it a letter saying your leaving?" Lily added brightly biting into a carrot.

"Very funny. Laugh all you want but I am the only one at this table." She pointed her finger at each of us then at herself. "Who is desirable."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Why is that?" Lily smoothed her hair down. "And why do you look like a gypsy?"

"It's a new look." Myra glared at her. "This letter just proves what I already knew. That I am irritable."

"What does it say?" Joey widened her eyes. They were better actresses than me. I remained quiet.

"Like I would tell you." Myra scoffed and shoved mashed potatoes into her mouth.

"Joey, it's okay. I can tell when she's lying and the letter looks fake." Lily poured fuel into the fire.

Myra's eyes got big. "What?"

"It's okay we believe you. Right guys? Of course that's a love letter because that guy has nothing better to do than write you letters." Lily chuckled.

"It is." Myra snapped. "Fine listen to this and feel foolish."

Myra reached for the envelope and opened the flap. She shook out the letter and got a dreamy look in her eyes.

Myra, (her eyes got misty)

This is hard for me to write since I don't express my feelings too good. You seem like a really cool girl and I would like to get to know you better. I know you don't know me too well but I hope that will change. (She actually clutched her heart)

You caught me off guard and I can't wait to see you again. I don't feel this way about many girls in fact none so far. You take my breath away. (That was Joey's line)

Please say you'll give me a chance to prove my growing feelings for you. I need to be near you. (Lily's line)

Don't waste another thought on a guy. I'm going to be there for you eternally. You could be my soul mate. (Kill shot) Let me prove myself to you. (The only line I contributed)

Yours, Jacob

"Wow, that sounds creepy." Lily mocked. "Eternally. Who says that?"

"You're just jealous." Myra ignored her and put the letter back in the envelope.

"It's dreamy." Joey lied and bit into her bread.

"I think I'll call him tonight." Myra announced and the fork of mashed potatoes stopped at my lips.

"What do you mean?" Lily stared at her frozen.

"Well, I want to talk to him and we should share our feelings for one another." Myra continued eating while we left our plates untouched.

"But you don't have his phone number." I blurted out.

"Duh, that's what they have an operator for. I just need to know his last name and the city he lives in." She turned to me. Lily kicked me under the table. Joey mouthed no to me.

I grabbed the glass of water and chugged it down. Myra waited for me narrowing her eyes.


	19. Chapter 19

(19) Expose

I cautiously slid my eyes to Lily and she thankfully jumped into the conversation after tossing the bread roll back in the basket. She was the best liar sitting at the table the only one who could bluff Myra completely. She leaned forward to give her words extra meaning.

"Myra, Jacob cannot call you because he's out of _town_. Bella said that he went to visit his cousins in _Oregon_. Obviously she'll let you know when he comes back." Myra raised her eyes and stared directly at me, which made me flinch slightly.

Joey sat nervously pretending to stare at the tablecloth and I clamored to agree with Lily's reply. "_Sure_ he said he would keep in touch." I put the fork of vegetables in my mouth chewing furiously.

Myra paused as she absorbed our words then seemed placated and finished her lunch. Connie started to talk about her garden and I tuned out the rest of the conversation. A little fact kept floating in the back of my mind. Jacob **didn't **visit yesterday. He said he would and he didn't come. I tried not to take it personally but it hurt all the same. I wanted to believe that everything was okay with him and he wasn't brushing me off. I had faith that he would keep his word eventually.

A few days passed…

I was sitting on the stone bench outside balancing my reading book on my legs. I wasn't in the mood to read so I stared at the serene water for quite a while. I thought about Jacob and his vacancy in my life. My proclaimed faith was dwindling. I laughed at myself. Stupid Bella! He probably is really busy, _I hope_.

Myra passed by me with her headphones on. She gave me her daily look of contemption and continued on her way. She went for a jog everyday at four o'clock. This was part of her obsessive pattern that I came to know so well. After her jog she did a yoga exercise on a mat in the garden. She always did the same moves squatting on the mat and balancing her weight on her hands. Her feet dipped to the ground then her head tipped back. That pose was held for several seconds then onto the next. Lily slammed the back door and stomped over to me.

"It's so annoying you know." Lily explained and sat in the small space on the bench forcing me to move my legs to the gravel. Her movements were so intrusive that my personal space was always challenged.

"What?" I brushed my hair away from my eyes and noticed the weather was turning colder. The frigid breeze made me pull my jacket tighter to my body.

"Myyyyra." Lily exhaled and crossed her arms to her chest. "This plan isn't going the way we planned. She was supposed to be humiliated not glorified. I can't take one more mention of that stupid note."

"What do you want to do?" I asked carefully. I didn't want to deliver another note to her and risk being throttled when she got a clue. Lily seemed more irritated than usual.

"I want Jacob to come here and ignore Myra. Once she sees that he doesn't have any interest in her then she will be _mortified_." Lily smiled.

"He can't come here. This wasn't supposed to last this long at all. She was supposed to know that the note was fake when we said, "hey Myra that note wasn't real". Then she'd get mad and we'd laugh. The end." I stated and another breeze blew the frozen air right through us.

"Jeez us it's freezing out here. We need a new plan because this one sucks. I'm holding a meeting tomorrow same time when you know who is out." Lily padded back to the house and shut the door. I watched her go and wandered what else we could do to Myra. She is going to get suspicious when Jacob writes another letter even though he's out of town.

An engine noise caught my attention and I looked at the small driveway. I saw a familiar truck coming up the path. Speak of the devil and he shall appear. I sucked in the frosty air and felt my body go numb. Jacob jumped from the cab and gave me an enormous smile. I was incapable of moving and stared in disbelief. _Why was he here_? _What happened to his hair?_

I got my senses back and rushed over to him before he made his way to the garden. He chuckled when he saw me attempt to run and trip over the stone steps. I gathered myself before I crashed to the ground and continued with warp speed over to him.

"Where's the fire?" He joked and opened his arms. I clumsily ran into his embrace and gave him a brief hug.

"What are you doing here?" I accused him then felt badly when his face fell slightly. He put his hand on my shoulder and looked down.

"I came to see you. I told you I would. I know it wasn't sooner but I wasn't feeling good. Billy made me stay in bed and nursed me back to health good as new. Well except for the pain right here." He pointed to his chest and stared at me. I nodded along while stealing looks at the front door.

"Let's go for a walk." I blurted out and led him to the opposite direction back down the driveway.

"Wait." He said and pulled me back. "I need to explain something."

I watched him standing there and noticed the curtain parted from the window. Joey peeked out and her eyes widened. She opened her mouth in shock and quickly closed the curtains.

"What's wrong?" I stood there shaking with nerves.

"It's about your friends the _Cullens_." Jacob leaned closer to me. I felt a huge boulder of pain creep into my chest. _No, please I don't want to talk about them._ I struggled to regain my composure.

"What about them?" I said quickly alerting Jacob.

"I know about them. I know that you know about them. Don't make me say it out loud." Jacob grimaced and his face remained hard.

I flinched from his sudden change in emotions. "I don't know what you're talking about." I lied and walked away from him. I wasn't thinking about Myra anymore I was trying to hold it together until Jacob left then I would lose it. I was walking a thin line.

"Wait, I said it all wrong. Don't go." Jacob pleaded and followed me. I continued walking down the driveway till I got to the beginning of the woods. I knew he would follow me and I wanted him away from the house. Nobody needed to hear our heated conversation.

"Is that why you drove down here? To accuse me of something?" I turned to him and his eyes weren't spewing hatred. He calmly stared at me for a while.

"I can't stay long. I didn't want you to think I didn't want to talk to you anymore." He ran his hands over his hair and stopped. He put his hand back to his side.

"Why did you cut your hair?" I blurted and he blushed.

"Just wanted a change you know. It was getting in the way of things." He moved closer. "I have to be really careful around you. I just need you to know that I'm here for you if you need me." He was so earnest that I immediately narrowed my eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're you leaving for a long time?" I had the suspicion in my gut that I wasn't going to see him again. "Why?"

"I can't tell you. I seriously can't. _Even though I would tell you if I could_. I don't want to make you sad by bringing up the Cullens I can see that it hurts you. But Bella, they're dangerous. More so than I could possibly explain to you.." His voice stopped cut off and he turned away.

"No Jacob they would never hurt me." I revealed and his eyes opened a little. We were both on point with our conversation. He shook his head. I missed his long hair and clamped my fingers from touching his short tresses. "I can't tell you much but I can tell you that whatever stories you heard about _them_ it's not true. They've never hurt me."

He shook his head again. "Not from what I've heard." Jacob moved closer to me. "I know you don't want to hear this but I'm glad they're gone. You don't have any idea how complicated it would have been." He brought his hand to my face. "I would be torn."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" Myra stood with her hands on her hips her eyes fuming with rage.


	20. Chapter 20

(20) Resistance

Myra inched closer to us and Jacob looked down with confusion in his eyes. I didn't know who to deal with first Jacob or Myra? My gut said to calm Myra down immediately. Myra stopped directly in front of my face and stared me down her hands settled on her hips.

"What the hell? Bella?" Myra's eyes were infused with distress and fury, having me cringes at her clipped voice. The icy undertones sent shivers down my arms making my fleece jacket useless against her words.

"What's going on here?" Jacob looked at me questioningly and I gave a small shrug. The words that were forming in my mind could not reach my lips. I stood there with an open mouth and fought the urge to throw up my miniscule breakfast.

"It's a mistake." I blurted talking to Myra ignoring Jacob, which was not the thought I was thinking. I really wanted to say this was all **Lily's** fault. I couldn't get the courage to lay the blame on my co-conspirator.

"What is?" Myra barked and looked even chillier if that was possible. Her eyes hardened and her eyeliner made her face ghoul like.

The only sounds I could hear were my thoughts churning in my head above the crickets chirping and the owls hooting. Jacob backed away from Myra to stand slightly in front of me in a protective stance.

"It was just a _joke_." I revealed stupidly and wished at that moment I could take those words back. Myra's eyes bulged from her sockets and she exhaled in short raspy breaths. I didn't get a chance to explain because she unleashed her wrath.

"**I AM A JOKE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? LOOK AT YOU, YOU'RE PATHETIC**." Myra screamed so loud the sound vibrated in my head. "You had to leave Forks because a guy didn't want you anymore. "That is hilarious and pathetic." Myra tilted her head and looked me dead in the eyes challenging me.

I started to say I'm sorry then stopped. The funny feeling in my stomach was growing and I let out a surprised gasp. I never told Myra that I left Forks because of Edward (gulp). Who did?

"How did you know that?" I asked and took a step back. The sound of branches snapping under my feet made me stop and look around. We were in the gathering behind the driveway a little to the left of Jacob's truck slightly away from the house and a huge rock sat on the opposite side of us.

Myra advanced pushing me further back. "I read your file, idiot. You know that the security in this place sucks. I was bored one night and read all our files. Do you know they diagnosed me as sociopath with no emotional boundaries? That's funny isn't it? I just got hurt by your stupid letter and they are saying I am "emotionless"." Myra snickered too loud and took another step towards me.

"Is this some kind of game?" Jacob mused. He looked at Myra like she was out of her mind, which possibly was the truth. Myra whisked her head in his direction marking this the first time she acknowledged his presence.

"Shut up!" She snapped and moved to him with cautious steps. "You love her don't you?" Jacob froze the smile gone. His eyes burned with intensity and he shook his head. "Don't try to deny it. I know. I can see it in your eyes." Jacob calculated her movements out of the corner of his eyes. "I think you need to prove how much you love her, don't you agree Bella?"

I stared at her in bewilderment and Jacob was perfectly motionless. I wanted to go to him and tell him to run away as loud as I could. I started to when I felt a hard grip on my arm. I instantly looked down and tried to turn away but it was too late. I was pushed over the cliff.

My body was suspended in air. I could feel the frosty air beneath me as my arms flew up frantically trying to catch a branch sticking out or perhaps a broken tree stump. My last thought was why did Jacob just stand there?

He didn't move a muscle to help me. I closed my eyes preparing for the imminent death. My head banged against the side of a jutted rock and my body flipped forward whipping my head back. My hair flew out like a brown waterfall. Something crashed into me it felt like arms of a large bird? Time stood still and I panicked because I was beginning to lose consciousness. I should be used to this by now I thought gravely. I heard sounds but couldn't quite understand.

Come on, Bella make yourself understand _please_. I could only think of one thought. I love you, Edward. I am going to die and my love for you is all that matters. I forgive you for abandoning me when I needed you the most. The sounds drifted closer. I heard the terrified pleas. The voice was familiar. Edward possibly?

I tried to open my arms. Was I still falling? I couldn't feel the frigid air anymore. Perhaps I died? The urgent sounds grew louder. I felt like my body was experiencing an earthquake.

I struggled to open my eyes. I saw shapes, disoriented out of focus shapes. I wanted to close my eyes again but something forced me back to the present. I was becoming angry. Just let me sleep or die in peace. I thought dying was supposed to be tranquil.

"Bella?" The sound called to me and I felt a gentle touch.

"Edward." I whispered with tears in my throat. "I love you." The hands stopped their gentle touching and I heard a growl.

"You're delirious." The voice said gruffly. I tried to focus harder. It was difficult. I wanted to go to sleep.

I strained one eye open. Regret filled me. Edward was still gone and the hole in my chest returned. Jacob's face was above me with a look of contempt and sorrow. I couldn't worry about his emotions right now when I was struggling to stay awake.

"Stay with me, Bells." Jacob whispered and grabbed my hand. "Stay with me."

I closed my eyes briefly and felt relief. The shaking stopped and the Earth became quiet. I drifted into unconsciousness. My eyes felt like sand was poured over them. My body was immobile. I heard a groan before the darkness came. Then I heard nothing.


	21. Chapter 21

(21) Dreams

Hallucinations can be a funny thing.

I could feel "his" presence before I opened my eyes. I knew it was him the smell alone was strong enough to assault my nostrils. I longed for that smell and felt drunk with happiness. I greedily breathed the air. The mist surrounded me as I lay on the mountainous grass blades. Everything was perfect.

A soft hand stroked my cheek urging me to wake up as the hand traveled down my face with feather light touches. His hands were more dangerous than a venomous snake yet I was not afraid. I felt the gentle caresses as my body shivered from the dramatic drop in temperature.

The voice that I have missed for months came to me in an instant. The beautiful melodious voice that brought tears to my eyes and I rejoiced at the sound of my name.

"Bella." The voice whispered soft and alluring. I smiled from ear to ear and opened my eyes. "I hope you're not mad at me." Edward stared at me with a fixed determination. The sadness I carried for months faded and the ice around my heart melted at once.

"Edward." I said so pleased that I could say his name without clutching for my chest in heartache. I reached out and touched his hands. The solid weight was the best feeling in the whole world.

He pushed a few tendrils of hair away from my eyes. "What have you done?" Edward's eyes crinkled in amusement as he gazed down at me.

I tried to push myself into a sitting position but felt a little dizzy. I must have swayed because Edward righted me and stared at me with concern.

"You're hurt." He said his voice full of anguish. "You have to be careful you could have an concussion." He shoved a hand through his hair and I got lost in the tousled waves of bronze. I practically had to sit on my hands to keep from touching his hair.

"I'm okay. It doesn't hurt, I promise." I lied and wandered why he didn't hold me in his arms and sing me to sleep. I wanted to be close to him even if it was only for a little while.

"I can't stay long." Edward murmured. He looked at me with regret and his golden eyes transfixed on me.

"What do you mean? You just got here." I said dumbly. Why couldn't I stay asleep forever?

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into an embrace. I heard him suck in his breath. "I could stay like this forever." He snuggled closer to me and smelled my hair again.

"So stay I won't tell anyone." I half kidded trying not to let the urgency show. I rested my head on his shoulder and melted into him. His clothes were tattered and the jacket he wore smelled musty. I recognized the clothes they were the same ones he wore on my birthday. I cringed at that memory.

"You mean everything to me. You know that right." Edward pulled back so I could see the love filling his eyes.

"But not enough to stay with me?" I asked sadly. "I needed you." If I could freeze this moment I would. I tried to memorize his exact position so I could dream about it later when I was alone. _Alone_.

I looked away and felt the loneliness coming to me slowly. "I don't think you realize how difficult this is for me to leave you with Jacob. That's the last thing I want to do." Edward spewed Jacob's name with a sickened look.

"Jacob knows about you and the rest of your family." I stated. I don't know why I brought up that piece of information. Maybe I wanted him to come back and reason with Jacob or set a new treaty.

Edward did look surprised. His eyes were paused with confliction. "Really, well I suppose he would have figured it out sooner or later. I know he pays attention to the legends his father tells him." He shook his head in disbelief as if Jacob was naïve because of his age.

"He's probably going to tell Charlie because he doesn't like you too much." I tried to get Edward mad. Hopefully he would come back to stop Jacob. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. Edward is too practical and saw through my facade.

"Charlie is a good police officer he'll use his judgment." Edward continued to stroke my hair and the clouds cast a gray shadow on the rocks. He looked paler with the dark sky threatening rain. Water trickled down and landed on my shoe.

"Bella promise me something." Edward whispered again and he pushed my chin up so I could stare into his topaz eyes.

"Anything." I declared then saw his eyes turn serious.

"Don't do anything dangerous. I can't begin to tell you how worried I've been about you. I can't explain everything at this moment but know that my heart is with you." He kissed my lips gently. The soft kiss sent shudders down my frozen body. "Always."

"Edward." I moaned and reached for him again.

"Bella, wake up." A voice called and Edward started to disappear. I struggled to sit up and clutch his arms but my body was so stiff. Pain took precedence over my urge for Edward. I laid my head back.

"Bella." The voice grew in urgency. "BELLA." I jerked upwards and my eyes snapped open.

Jacob's dark eyes looked relieved as my body became alive with throbbing and the shivering couldn't stop my teeth from chattering. Jacob shrugged out of his windbreaker jacket and laid it on top of my chest. He bit his lip in concentration.

"I'm not paralyzed am I?" I tried to make my body sit up and couldn't. Fear crept into my mind.

"I don't think so the only major injury is to your head." He put his hand on my leg. "Can you feel that?" He asked.

The squeeze made the pain cease in my head. "Yes." I gasped comforted that I was not going to have to go to the hospital.

"Put your arm around my head and I'll carry you up the embankment." He leaned down to grab my arm and I put my hand up.

"You can't carry me Jacob I weigh too much. I'll try to walk." I sat up slowly and the dizziness made my stomach nauseous. I closed my eyes and waited for it to pass.

"Yeah right. You can't even sit up without falling over. Just let me carry you to my truck and we'll go to the hospital." Jacob squatted next to me and leaned closer. The black irises of his pupils intrigued me.

"No." Jacob flinched and I said quietly. "You can carry me to my room and I promise to stay up awhile so I don't get a concussion. But no hospitals, please." I begged.

Jacob bit his bottom lip and looked towards the creek. "Okay but you have to call me every hour so I know you're still alive." He leaned down and picked me up in one swift motion.

I clutched to his arm and was amazed that he carried me so easy. We made it up the embankment rapidly. Jacob wasn't straining for air or struggling against my weight. His arms were more defined the bulge of the bicep was outlined through his tan long sleeved shirt.

He put me on the ground when we reached the top of the hill and I could see the house through the twirled branches ahead of us. Something was bugging me and I had to know how I reached the bottom of the embankment without plummeting to the ground. At first, I thought it was a large bird that caught me but I had the feeling that giant bird was a Native American teenager with remarkable abilities.

"Jacob did you catch me when I fell?" I stared into his eyes waiting to see if he would tell me the truth.

He rubbed his hand against his temple and shrugged. His skin looked sickly. "What are you talking about?"

"Did you catch me when I was falling off the cliff?" I moved closer to him. "Answer me Jacob Black."

"I can't tell you just be happy that I was there when you fell." Jacob laughed without smiling. "You're damn lucky let's just leave it at that."

"No, I need you to tell me the truth. Please Jacob I have to know." I pleaded and grabbed his hand shocked that it was so hot.

"I can't tell you. I literally can't tell you." Jacob moved away from me. "Remember that story I told you about the legend my father used to tell me."

"Yeah the cold ones right?" I struggled to stand without stumbling.

"It figures that's all you remember but please just try to remember the other parts. It's important. Try." Jacob walked me to the door of the house. "Promise me that you'll try."

I shook my head yes. Lily was walking to the kitchen and saw us on the porch. She paused and stood there awkwardly. Her hair was up in a high bun and she had tights under a long black sweater.

"Okay, bye." I gave him a half hug and walked inside.

"I'm going to call you soon." Jacob announced before he turned to leave.

Lily smirked as she came towards me that stopped and her smirk disappeared.

"What happened to your head?" Her voice was filled with panic. Shoot, I forgot that my head was cut.

"I tripped no biggie. My head hit the side of a rock. I'm such a klutz." I started to walk to our room.

"I'll bring some ice and the first aid kit." Lily answered and walked into the kitchen. I walked to our room holding Jacob's jacket close to my chest. I changed into another pair of jeans and sweater. My head was throbbing so I took a couple of aspirins for pain.

I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes briefly. Jacob asked me to remember the story he told about the cold ones where I learned that my suspicions were confirmed about Edward. I tried to remember the story but my mind couldn't comprehend anything. My eyes felt heavy and it was harder to keep them open.

I remembered and bolted up from the bed.

"Oh." I muttered in shock.


	22. Chapter 22

(22) Escape

The morning brought more worry and confusion as I remembered Jacob's stories about werewolves and human sacrifices. He couldn't be a werewolf? Could he? That was not possible. My mind could not grasp the image of Jacob transformed into a scary creature ripping vampires apart. A warning crept through me and I knew that something was wrong. I had to find Jacob and make him explain himself.

I glanced across at Lily sitting on her bed with her headphones on listening to her IPod. She was engrossed in a book and didn't notice as I walked to the dresser pulling out a new outfit. I was still wearing my jeans and sweater from the night before. I saw her glance at me briefly and smile. I smiled back and left the room.

I went into the bathroom and changed into my outfit putting the blue sweater over my white undershirt. I pulled on another pair of jeans and stuffed the previous night's clothes under the sink. I splashed cold water on my face relishing the coolness on my skin.

I walked down the hallway and cursed each creaky floorboard. If I was lucky no one would hear me in the living room or see me grab my coat from the rack by the door. I felt like a burglar sneaking around a house at night.

I carefully opened the front door and gently closed the screen behind me. I wished I had my cell phone but they confiscated it when I came here. I stood off to the side of the house hiding near the bushes trying to think of what to do next. I quickly put my coat as the first ice cold breeze blew hair across my face. There must be a storm coming because the sky was a slate gray with no yellow streaks marring it.

I shivered and thought of a plan. I glanced at the empty road and realized hardly any cars drove down the highway. So hitchhiking would be out of the question. I saw an old ten speed leaning up against the wall. But the tires were rusted out and some of the spokes were bent. I saw the kitchen light go on. I had to move fast before Lily reported me missing. Then I would have little chance of making it.

I knew my only chance of making it was to walk until I came to a gas station or bus stop. From there I could figure out the rest. I looked at the window to make sure no one was looking out. I quickly ran across the lawn noticing the tall evergreens leaning over the driveway.

The forest was to my left and the highway was to my right. I turned right and started the long walk to Forks. I tripped over a couple of rocks and almost twisted my ankle on a left over branch. I had to be more careful I couldn't afford to get hurt.

I heard a car coming but I was too chicken to hitch a ride. I felt the urge to stick my thumb out but at the last second I shoved my hands into my pocket. I heard the motor getting closer. I put my head down and continued walking.

I saw the truck approaching and moved a little faster. If I had to I would run into the forest and hide from the stranger. I jerked when the car stopped. My fears were going to come true. I was afraid to move. I pretended to look at a bird perched on a log. The sound of the door opening made my heart drop. I was paralyzed.

"Bella?" Footsteps approached heavy under the crackling branches.

I peeked at the person from the side. "Jacob." I said relieved and went to him.

He opened his arms and I ran into them.

"Hey, I was just going to visit you." He said playfully and stared at me. "What's wrong?"

I thought I was hiding my emotions better but I guess I wasn't.

"I remembered the story about the Quileute legend." I whispered and glanced at him. His smile left his face and his dark eyes bored into mine.

"Oh I see." He shrugged his shoulders and gestured to me. "So were you running away? Did I ruin your plans?"

"What?" I shook my head. "No, don't be crazy. I was coming to see you."

He sighed in relief and hugged me again. "Are you crazy? You were going to walk all the way to the rez?"

"Not all the way." I said defiantly.

"It doesn't change anything?" He questioned our relationship.

"Jacob I would still like you if you told me you were a vampire." I said weakly and Jacob's face hardened.

"But I'm not a_ precious_ Cullen. Bella, I was serious before when I told you they were dangerous. It's better to keep your distance."

"They wouldn't hurt me." I whispered. Jacob shook his head and leaned down.

"They are monsters who feed off of human blood." He spat. "I don't want them anywhere near you."

"Jake they don't kill people. Carlisle is a doctor for goodness sake." I pleaded and he remained still.

"So did you come to tell me all the glorious reasons why you love the Cullens so much?"

"No." I said and glared at him. "I came to make sure that you were okay and talk to you."

"Consider it done. So do you want to hang out at the rez for a bit before you go back?" He asked switching topics. Just like that old Jacob was back.

"Yes. I've been dying to get back to normalcy." I said facing him again.

"Funny I've been dying to see you, Bella." Another voice said. I whirled around and came face to face with Laurent.


	23. Chapter 23

Fooled

I almost went to Laurent's outstretched hand and grasped it in my own. _Almost_. Something held me back. It could have been Laurent's eyes piercing into my own. Devouring my presence with an eerie stillness. His eyes flickered over my face and I snapped out of it. He tried to move forward and I unconsciously took a step back. I turned toward Jacob but no one was there. I moved my head frantically looking for my friend. Only one thought filtered in my head. He left?

Laurent smiled at me. The air grew chillingly cold and I gathered my arms around me. My stomach was tightening and I felt my hands shaking. I quickly bunched my fingers into my jacket lining. Laurent noticed my reaction and his smile grew wider.

"Don't be afraid." Laurent said and he started walking to me. He stopped a few feet in front of me and looked into the forest trail. I followed his gaze and saw huge trees line the path into the woods. The leaves were quiet and I only heard my breathing. The path looked haunting awaiting someone's descent into the shadowy, woods. Laurent looked like he saw something and then the moment passed.

He turned back to me. "Bella where's your friend?" He waved his long finger at me. "Not such a gentleman to leave you behind with me."

"Why are you going to hurt me?" I whispered and wished I hadn't voiced my frightened thought.

"I suppose not. Although sometimes I just can't help myself. She will be disappointed but it's only because you're so appealing." He did move closer and leaned into me. He moved his head and savored the last breath. "Yes, Victoria will be upset with me but if she was in the same position as I am in she would do the same."

"Victoria?" I questioned and the scenes of James's ugly murder played in my mind. James luring me into a trap and Edward fighting him to save my life.

"She wanted me to bring you to her, she's not happy with you. She is avenging James's death." Laurent walked around me slowly. "It's just that you smell so good I can't resist."

He leaned in closer and I saw the crimson of his eyes stare straight into mine. His cold eyes raked over me and I knew he would kill me. I was going to die on the side of the road and never get to see Edward again. If fate was going to intervene I welcomed it right now.

Laurent stopped smiling and stepped away from me. His hand that was outstretched ready to kill me went down lightening fast. He turned away and bent his head closer listening for something. He stepped away from me as he looked deeper into the woods.

Now was my chance to stall him. "Edward will be here." I said pathetically. Edward's apparition appeared beside me. I jolted back and had to look again to make sure I wasn't seeing things. His ghostly image looked at me with concern. He pursed his lips and smiled my favorite smile. Then he glared at Laurent.

"Lie to him." Edward requested. His body stood scarily still and I glanced at Laurent to see if he heard Edward. Edward the name still hurt my inner core. I stilled my rapidly beating heart.

"He'll come looking for me." I warned Laurent a little more firmly. Edward nodded along provoking my sudden burst of confidence.

"Hmm," Laurent smiled again. "I don't think he will." He moved a little closer to me and leaned down. "I think he's gone, I went to his home and it looked like nobody had lived there for awhile." Laurent looked at me with knowledge of my dishonest words.

"That's only because they went on a hiking trip. You know for sustenance." I lied quickly. Edward shook his head then stared eagerly at Laurent. His smile was gone and he had the most melancholy look on his face. He glanced one last time at me and was gone.

_Wait_, my mind shouted at him. My inner voice screamed at the top of her lungs. Don't leave me, again. Again. Laurent actually smirked at me letting me know that this was the end for me.

I closed my eyes and waited to die. The only resounding thought that floated into my mind was I love you, Edward. I wish you were here. But I will always love you. I shrinked away and prepared to be mauled to death. I stayed still and felt the time pass. I finally opened my eyes in time to see Laurent's face fall.

"It can't be." Laurent looked into the woods again and this time I turned my head and stared in that direction also.

A huge animal walked out of the path and I thought it was an overgrown horse. Then I saw the face of the animal and knew it was a wolf. An impossibly large gruesome wolf walking towards both of us. I would have preferred to be killed by Laurent then ripped in half by this monstrous wolf.

Laurent didn't move for a second. The wolf continued towards both of us. My heart was pouncing in my chest. My ribs were constricted and I was holding my breath. The wolf snarled and that must have jolted Laurent because he ran away. I saw a glimpse of him as he ran like a lightening bolt. The wolf stared at me for a second and took off after Laurent. I heard tons of thumping and thunderous steps. I could see nothing anymore. The trees obscured my view. I ran down the highway. My feet hurt from the constant pounding on the road.

My only thought at the moment was I didn't want to die. Edward leaving me was horrific but dying and leaving Charlie was appalling. I ran till I saw a sign that proclaimed Pacific Beach 3 miles. I groaned and continued my half jog half run attempt.

I started limping and glanced around to see if any cars were heading west. None. I put my head down and limped again. My right tennis shoe was loosing the sole pretty quick. I could feel each groove on the ground twist and mark my bottom foot. Where is Jacob? I didn't dare call his name. I didn't want to alert the wolf if it was prowling for its next meal.

My shoe started to squish and I didn't dare look. If it was blood I would pass out on this highway and probably be killed by a forest animal. It hurt to breathe.

I was still staring at the ground when I heard my name. I glanced up quickly and turned in that direction.

Jacob was running towards me with Sam behind him. I couldn't run to him I could barely walk anymore. My feet were on fire. Jacob reached me in a second.

"Hey," he said softly. Sam stood awkwardly behind him.

"Where were you?" I hadn't meant to accuse him of leaving me. Well, on second thought hell yeah I did I was pissed!

He looked sheepishly. Then he turned to Sam. Sam nodded and sprinted away. I watched his body disappear into the pathway.

"Where is he goin?" I muttered and glared at him with a withering stare. Jacob bit back a smile.

"He's getting his truck. He's going to take us back to La Push." Jacob looked down and kicked the pebbles. "You're not safe at the house." He said more seriously.

"Jacob I'm not going anywhere with you. You left me." I tried to punch his arm but he caught my hand. "Let me go."

"Just calm down. I'll explain everything on the way to my house." He said more calmly. "Try not to punch me again I wouldn't want you to get hurt."

I rolled my eyes and Jacob grinned. I was still flaming mad but my feet were practically falling off. I stumbled forward and Jacob caught me.

"Okay, I guess I'll have to carry you." He scooped me up into his arms effortlessly. I struggled in his embrace. "You can't walk anymore you're feet are bleeding." He looked pointedly at my shoes and I glanced down. The tops of my shoes were covered in blood. I groaned.

"Okay, I'll go." He nodded. "But I want the truth No more lies." I said cautiously. He didn't look too happy about that. Sam pulled up to us and Jacob leaned in closer to me. "Okay but not till we get back to my house then I'll explain everything." I nodded satisfied and he put me in the truck.


End file.
